Tong Hua (童话) Cover - English/Chinese + Violin/Trumpet by Jason Chen & J...

ending

this will be the end ^^ no need to follow anymore, i will continue to write on my personal blog. things change... and eventually , some ppl will not appreciate anymore... and im those that not being appreciate anymore. So the existence of this blog is no longer worth. cyaz

Another tiring day

Well, last sat went for sky trek and this sat i went for Broga (again >.<) with my colleagues, manager and his childs ^^. After that we went to "Sek La Tok Temple" and took some pics ^^. Coming back home, then rest for awhile and went out for Hachiko with my daughter Amelinda ^^. He fetched me ^^, long time no ppl fetch d >.< But ended up i left my house key in her car >.< Reach home mom slept d, OMG!!. Have to call my uncle come down open the door for me. Luckily, i hide the keys at some place so even without bringing my keys back home, I still manage to sleep on my bed ^^.

The sad thing is ... I miss her badly and i felt extremely cold and lonely...

Is still the same

Though the said and promise day is already past but still, it will never be fulfill... Plus the attempt I try to make seem unsuccessful too...

Tiring

Went for sky trek on sat noon (that damn vincent didn't manage to reserved us the morning session) make it so damn hot >.< Sweaty all the time. The difficulty we went for was extreme level. Is was the 1st time i been there and they told me it was extreme level -_-" but well, it end up ok for me. Just the toughest part will be the ladder part. The balancing part, ^^, can't even shake me a bit. I'm very proud of myself as I'm very good at balancing myself ^^. It's a very exciting activity after all.

But well, when it comes back to me alone (the time i'm alone), it just made me think of her. I miss her truly... I still love her a lot... God, pls help me... If you as a god couldn't help me, just arrange satan/demon/devil to come finish me off sooner. I don' wanna live with this feeling... I may end up become a schizophrenia patient if this continue and if it come true, I dun want to be a burden to my family member. Just finish me off and let me R.I.P. will ya? Pls god. Thx in advance...

...

Is really hard to contain my feeling now when each day pass... i wonder when will i go insane...maybe become crazy or schizo also is good... no need to think anymore and be happy with everything... let me be crazy then...hope the day i explode come soon

Hide it...

No matter what, hide ur feeling malcx, no matter how u feel, how u restraint urself, or even to change ur style, just hide it no matter what. U have to as there ain't a thing u can do anymore... Accept the facts... Bear with it... and release it when no ones know

Dun like how i feel...

Recently, the feeling of KSS reemerge... lucky that i still able to ctrl... Hiding it is not a good way after all, it might explode and something bad might happen then... need to find a solution fast... Don't know till when my body can last...

KSS

Keep it in Malcx... some pictures of her, yes will reminded u of her but u are a past, face the present malcx, dun be sad...

Sh*t, I really missing her..

I admit that I miss her... but there ain't a thing I can do... All I can do is wishing for her happiness and appreciate whatever things that happened to me now. How? By saying thx and not just saying it but I mean it with my heart when I thx ppl. Appreciating others, is all I can do now to improve... And as my previous post said(dunno how long ago), There ain't a second chance in this world. Reality is cruel, FACE IT MALCX!!!

ermmm...

will i be able to? i wonder...

Enlighten again...

Somehow ... I feel that doing counseling for people is good. I can learn things and remind myself things that I forgotten. I did that to certain people before too. So I should know the feeling well better than others who have not experienced it.

The time I changed my heart, I didn't really care what she said at that moment. Is true that when someone changed his/her heart, that moment, no matter what one's does, the care is gone... It no longer was there... Now when I think of it, it's the same things. She changed her heart so no matter what I did... it will be useless. Cause when someone change, is changed. Mending it back will take some times...

So there is no need to do stupid things from now on to get each other attention cause is useless but well, at the very least, u will stay in her mind by contacting them once in a while hoping and praying that miracle will happen... Yet in the end... we call it miracle cause it's rarely occur... NItez all

Missing her badly...so?

I'm missing her badly here but there is nothing that I can do... I know that very well... very very well... Being controlling myself very well at not to sms her and not mention about those 3 words... In the end... I really afraid that I may become someone I don't wish to... Hope and pray I still be able to ctrl...

Alone/Not Alone in Genting Time...

Well, not all the time alone after all. Met with Batman and Catwoman and we had lunch together on the 1st day I arrived. The hilarious part here was that when we paid the bill. One problem occurred. Initially, I agree to let Batman treat me since he offered, but he only have 1 piece of RM100 note. Here come the hilarious part, the waiter asked us whether got anymore small changes (we eat for about Rm74++). The waiter claimed that bank didn't open on Sunday and they don't had enough small changes. Batman insisted to pay for the bill and take out his credit card. BUT, the waiter claim the credit card machine spoiled >.< LOL. So it ended up I paid for them ^^. Forget to mentioned, we dined at Kenny Roger (not recommended if not no choice >.<)

That was the eating part. But something else happened before that. That was the queue that I took to check in, it was 4374 at the moment I got my tix but the tix number on my hand was 4838... WTF!!, 500++ queue to be wait!! (it was around 2pm plus when i reached) And that's why I ended up joining them for dinner and also temporarily put my luggage in their room and rest. We rest till around 5pm++ only I head down to checked on my queue and to my surprise, maybe I'm definitely lucky, it's almost my turn ^^. After manage to get my room and transfer mt luggage back to my room (5847 was my room no.) we head out for haunted house 4D. It doesn't enough to scare me but both Batman and Catwoman were afraid to watch such things. Ended up I managed to scared Catwoman ^^ (guess u all can predicted that I will scared ppl >.<) Throughout this trip, I manage to scared Catwoman for around 3 to 4 times ^^.

After that, we went to Casino at First World Hotel. The Casino with a name "Star" which is my lucky sign ^^. As usual, I gamble at baccarat table and I won RM200 for the 1st day and RM300 for the second day. My trip to Genting was PAID ^^. Totally FOC.

After Casino, we went around to feel the breeze and took some pictures, it should be upload by them later on ^^. After the photo shooting session, they went back to their room and so do I ^^. But I came back out after opened the red wine I brought (to breath) to Safari. The only club at Genting. The cover changes is RM25. CHeAp ^^. Went in with a bottle of complimentary Tuborg. Knew a some new friends, Denise, Maybo, Steven, Grace, Alex, Sky and etc (forget their names >.<) Most of them worked at Genting ranking from manager, assistant manager, supervisor and so on. But one particular guy, which were the BOSS for the day, Denise. He claimed that he won RM23k last night after 8 bottles of Hennessey at G6 before that. He is definitely a rich man. And a very good potential customer of mine >.<
To my surprise, I didn't take action to meet girls there. And frankly, I can start to date girl if I wanted to but I didn't. Reason? I'm afraid... I'm afraid to be hurt again. Let's forget about that ^^

I still have 1 more night to stay here at Genting. BORING!!! But the air and breeze is definitely better than KL. I luv the weather here. That's all for now ^^ ciaoz

After rest ti

Midnight Lonesome...

Just came back from Overtime at Sunway Giza. Thought of going to Movida just now as my gang said they will be there. End up when I reach, they were at Overtime, some are drunk >.< Earlier, went to celebrate Carol Birthday with Caren, William, Alex and Kenneth at "Jai" talk. Somewhere located around Pandan Indah. That William said wanna go for second round, thus i suggest to go Giza ... ended up that bastard said tired and wanna head home...Ended up joining my gang which consists of Jacky & GF, Kenneth & GF, E.C. Tan & wife, Alex and Derrick. Had a couple of bottles more before i came back home ^^.
Now when I reached home... I feel lonely... the feeling of missing her became very strong... wish that she will be here with me now...
KSS!!!

The feeling...

The feeling of missing her, keep on growing but there is nth left for me to do other than blessing her. Wondering what she doing at this moment, at that moment... all the time... When she replied, i felt happy and when she didn't... i dun feel sad but just accepting the facts... In other words, I just feel hurt... by my own action and i lead to now... Sadness is always by my side, just that i bury her all the time next to my shadow... Only when my shadow has the most power, my sadness will be review.

I miss u ....

Times getting close

The days i go to genting is getting nearer but yet, i still unable to find partners or ppl to accompany me go. Guess i will need to stick with the original plan on goin alone... Alone is good sometimes but sometimes in someplace, i wish badly that there is someone for me ...

Getting harder AND HARDER!!!

... hard to KSS... i miss it...

....

Something... written in another blog...

Sharing with Khan

The sharing session with Khan today was especially superb. Being enlightened to certain level beyond my own imagination. Will always remind myself and be conscious over what I learned today.

Remind yourself Malcx...

Do remind urself and KSS...You don't want another scar wouldn't you Malcx? Making anymore of it and it will be too obvious... KSS more and ctrl of urself..

Final Fantasy - The truth

Reactivated my Facebook account

Reactivated my FB account few minutes ago but hide all irrelevant things to me, KSS alot, more than I can count today ...

4th day morning...

Kinda regret to open my email today... though i purposely deactivated my Facebook account, guess that was not enough. There are still a lot of other existing website like friendster, hi5 and so on that sent me birthday reminder...

KSS MALCX!!!!

Night of 3rd day...

Received a sms from someone... and I have to remind myself to KSS again... Even though she only sms me after midnight... which means, before she sleep... it made me happy but I know I shouldn't anymore as I have to uphold my principle... KSS!! Friends and activities partner are all that I pursue!!!

Don't Thing of Anything Malcx!!, Just KSS!!!

Day 3...

Well, during my day out today with my colleagues Lemon, her mom, Swee Ling, William and Thomas(used to call himself Ivan/Wayne), there were around 4 times I KSS... Just now, add together at my house playing mah jong with William and Thomas got another time, suppose to be around 8-9 times I KSS today...

Today after movie, Resident Evil: Afterlife with them, we head out for dinner at Wong Kok. It was the 1st time I been told that my walking style like a GAY LOU!!!, Normally, people only said like catwalk but Lemon told me I walk like a GAY LOU!! OMG!!!.. The movie was so so but after all, it was resident evil, so should be good ^^.

Tomorrow will have another day out to prevent myself from being alone. Also, able to date another person out for dinner on coming Wednesday ^^. It's good to have activities partner. As I don't ever think that I will find any lover anytime. I'm still deeply hurt by her choice...

On the 3rd day morning....

Even in the morning... I already KSS for 3 times... lol... And even tears come out...

The second day....

Well, yesterday was a hectic day. All my colleagues wanted to go back early. Some said need to go back hometown, some need to catch flight and etc. It was overall a busy day. Yet I still have time to remind myself of KSS for 5 times... There are certain things that reminded me of it...

Anyhow, yesterday was also another rare day when I received a rare invitation. And of cause I accepted the invitation since this rare person asked us to go out. As for me, a friend is always friends. Just that from 3 days ago, i made a decision to not to anymore to certain someone...

Apart from that, due to some unknown reason, I'm having extreme headache since last night till now on the right side of my brain. Headache, headache... could it be migraine?? Guess I have to resort to medicine...

Day 1

Today was the 1st day after i said it out... I will always remind myself of KSS from now on whenever i think of or reminded of... I don't know how many time have I reminded myself of KSS today. Even just now, a friend of mine somehow made me think of it... This god prank is really something... Im ended up drinking red wine again, plus i will be drinking my whiskeys soon... 1 chivas 12 and chivas 18 on the way back ^^... I just hope that I wouldn't end up as an alcoholic before I no need to remind myself of KSS...

A day a major decision is made...

Today I made a major decision in my life I think I ever made... I throw away almost all of my comic books, deactivated Facebook, and going to change my mobile number soon. The most major decision I ever made is... I deleted it. Within this week, none of it will be remain. All need to be gone. I know is extremely hurt and pain for my heart but decision had been made. With this, hope that a new path will open for me, a path that I dream for, a no worries path....

My wrist is still experiencing pain from the fall down yesterday and as expected, my leg got bruises... After all, I guessed is not worth it for me to be that good of a guy...

My heart ache and sorrow be by my side. The uncomfortable feelings are indescribable... But I will bear with this feelings and I will.

This blog will be my last place of putting in my experiences and memories, I will not share it out verbally anymore. Will keep on practicing "Keep it, Seal it and Shut it"...

The song that touch my heart deeply...

Feel so sad...

I'm feeling so damn sad here... not because of my relationship problem but is because I've been left alone by my soulmate... she said that she will be my soulmate and always be... yet now she left me... she ignore me... Losing someone I love is really painful... now even losing my soulmate... I dunno how to describe my feeling here... will I end up in hospital tonight? I wonder...

Can i?

Today morning i fetch my dad to breakfast and then head to hospital. I tot that it was a full check up but who knows it was only to take my dad blood for test so that they can generate out a report for next week appointment with the doc. After that, i went back home and FB awhile. Then head out with certain someone. Hang out with her, i feel good and happy ^^ Accompany her bought a dress today, she said will be wear on her birthday. I'm sure she will be the spotlight that that even though she is not the birthday girl. Cause that dress and her, really match, it make her look beautiful. I wish that, I can have such time and moment with my future GF too...

On the other hand, within my heart, there are words that I wish to speak out but I know is not the right time to tell. Someone will feel hurt if I do. I wish that I can be like that man... withstand and withhold all the emotion and feeling deep within himself Bear all the suffer and pain alone inside his heart. I really wish I can be like him. Though I wish for happiness but yet... time is not right. Is as my friend Xiao Hui said, in a relationship, "timing" is really important. "Timing" play a big role... I can only wish for that certain someone to reach her happiness, truly and sincerely...

Reminiscence

Yesterday, i did a stupid thing where i wish for luck, I just hope that miracle would happened but as we all know, it doesn't happen so occasionally... if not, it would not be call a miracle... Well, one should bear the consequences for his/her own action, so do I. I will go on...

Yesterday, I woke up quiet late as I drank some red wine before sleep. I've not been drinking for quiet awhile. The taste of this season red wine is simply the best >.<
And thus, i woke up late =p Then i continue to watch korean drama named "You're beautiful". It's about a girl pretending to be her twin brother to participate in a live band. She been found out easily but didn't being kick out ^^. The love story start from there... Watch it yourselves ya ^^ I watch 10 episodes in a row on my bed. Kinda resting good, just lack of sleep ^^ Then I received a call and it made me remember that i wanted to watch a Thai movie named "Best of Time". I invited Wayne to join in but he seem unable to go out at night recently >.< Thus I ended up going alone like usual. Before I depart, I received another call and we chat for roughly 20 minutes. When we hang up, I realized time really did flies... It's already 7:05pm and the movie time is 7:30pm. OMG!!! That time sure is a hell of JAM in Bukit Bintang area so i decided to just run there as my previous record was 30 minutes to reach Pavilion at my house. And WOW, i break my own record!! ^^ I reach the cinema at 7:25pm. I ran to there in the rain, I realized I over did it when I stop to wait for the traffic to turn green... I almost collapse on the road. Thanks to the lamp post there, I actually fall on it... I can't imagine what will happen if I fall on the road and then car come "BANG"... End of story >.<.
Well, after realizing that, I slowdown my pace a little and I still reach there at 7:25pm. Though I almost die, but the movie really worth it!! I just scare that I might miss the chance to watch it as International movie wont't last long. The movie, was GREAT!!!
By the time I get home, the rain stopped. Like usual, I walked back and take a bath since I was all WET >.< but dry already in the cinema, LOL. Then FB for awhile and video call with someone. We chat happily ^^ Too bad i can't stay for long as now i need to take bath and fetch my Dad to hospital for checkup. So without wasting time anymore, until next time, CYAZ

Will write a more private blog from now

As stated above, i will now write a more private blog. this will be a memory...