Enlighten again...

Somehow ... I feel that doing counseling for people is good. I can learn things and remind myself things that I forgotten. I did that to certain people before too. So I should know the feeling well better than others who have not experienced it.

The time I changed my heart, I didn't really care what she said at that moment. Is true that when someone changed his/her heart, that moment, no matter what one's does, the care is gone... It no longer was there... Now when I think of it, it's the same things. She changed her heart so no matter what I did... it will be useless. Cause when someone change, is changed. Mending it back will take some times...

So there is no need to do stupid things from now on to get each other attention cause is useless but well, at the very least, u will stay in her mind by contacting them once in a while hoping and praying that miracle will happen... Yet in the end... we call it miracle cause it's rarely occur... NItez all

Missing her badly...so?

I'm missing her badly here but there is nothing that I can do... I know that very well... very very well... Being controlling myself very well at not to sms her and not mention about those 3 words... In the end... I really afraid that I may become someone I don't wish to... Hope and pray I still be able to ctrl...

Alone/Not Alone in Genting Time...

Well, not all the time alone after all. Met with Batman and Catwoman and we had lunch together on the 1st day I arrived. The hilarious part here was that when we paid the bill. One problem occurred. Initially, I agree to let Batman treat me since he offered, but he only have 1 piece of RM100 note. Here come the hilarious part, the waiter asked us whether got anymore small changes (we eat for about Rm74++). The waiter claimed that bank didn't open on Sunday and they don't had enough small changes. Batman insisted to pay for the bill and take out his credit card. BUT, the waiter claim the credit card machine spoiled >.< LOL. So it ended up I paid for them ^^. Forget to mentioned, we dined at Kenny Roger (not recommended if not no choice >.<)

That was the eating part. But something else happened before that. That was the queue that I took to check in, it was 4374 at the moment I got my tix but the tix number on my hand was 4838... WTF!!, 500++ queue to be wait!! (it was around 2pm plus when i reached) And that's why I ended up joining them for dinner and also temporarily put my luggage in their room and rest. We rest till around 5pm++ only I head down to checked on my queue and to my surprise, maybe I'm definitely lucky, it's almost my turn ^^. After manage to get my room and transfer mt luggage back to my room (5847 was my room no.) we head out for haunted house 4D. It doesn't enough to scare me but both Batman and Catwoman were afraid to watch such things. Ended up I managed to scared Catwoman ^^ (guess u all can predicted that I will scared ppl >.<) Throughout this trip, I manage to scared Catwoman for around 3 to 4 times ^^.

After that, we went to Casino at First World Hotel. The Casino with a name "Star" which is my lucky sign ^^. As usual, I gamble at baccarat table and I won RM200 for the 1st day and RM300 for the second day. My trip to Genting was PAID ^^. Totally FOC.

After Casino, we went around to feel the breeze and took some pictures, it should be upload by them later on ^^. After the photo shooting session, they went back to their room and so do I ^^. But I came back out after opened the red wine I brought (to breath) to Safari. The only club at Genting. The cover changes is RM25. CHeAp ^^. Went in with a bottle of complimentary Tuborg. Knew a some new friends, Denise, Maybo, Steven, Grace, Alex, Sky and etc (forget their names >.<) Most of them worked at Genting ranking from manager, assistant manager, supervisor and so on. But one particular guy, which were the BOSS for the day, Denise. He claimed that he won RM23k last night after 8 bottles of Hennessey at G6 before that. He is definitely a rich man. And a very good potential customer of mine >.<
To my surprise, I didn't take action to meet girls there. And frankly, I can start to date girl if I wanted to but I didn't. Reason? I'm afraid... I'm afraid to be hurt again. Let's forget about that ^^

I still have 1 more night to stay here at Genting. BORING!!! But the air and breeze is definitely better than KL. I luv the weather here. That's all for now ^^ ciaoz

After rest ti

Midnight Lonesome...

Just came back from Overtime at Sunway Giza. Thought of going to Movida just now as my gang said they will be there. End up when I reach, they were at Overtime, some are drunk >.< Earlier, went to celebrate Carol Birthday with Caren, William, Alex and Kenneth at "Jai" talk. Somewhere located around Pandan Indah. That William said wanna go for second round, thus i suggest to go Giza ... ended up that bastard said tired and wanna head home...Ended up joining my gang which consists of Jacky & GF, Kenneth & GF, E.C. Tan & wife, Alex and Derrick. Had a couple of bottles more before i came back home ^^.
Now when I reached home... I feel lonely... the feeling of missing her became very strong... wish that she will be here with me now...
KSS!!!

The feeling...

The feeling of missing her, keep on growing but there is nth left for me to do other than blessing her. Wondering what she doing at this moment, at that moment... all the time... When she replied, i felt happy and when she didn't... i dun feel sad but just accepting the facts... In other words, I just feel hurt... by my own action and i lead to now... Sadness is always by my side, just that i bury her all the time next to my shadow... Only when my shadow has the most power, my sadness will be review.

I miss u ....

Times getting close

The days i go to genting is getting nearer but yet, i still unable to find partners or ppl to accompany me go. Guess i will need to stick with the original plan on goin alone... Alone is good sometimes but sometimes in someplace, i wish badly that there is someone for me ...

Getting harder AND HARDER!!!

... hard to KSS... i miss it...

....

Something... written in another blog...

Sharing with Khan

The sharing session with Khan today was especially superb. Being enlightened to certain level beyond my own imagination. Will always remind myself and be conscious over what I learned today.

Remind yourself Malcx...

Do remind urself and KSS...You don't want another scar wouldn't you Malcx? Making anymore of it and it will be too obvious... KSS more and ctrl of urself..

Final Fantasy - The truth

Reactivated my Facebook account

Reactivated my FB account few minutes ago but hide all irrelevant things to me, KSS alot, more than I can count today ...

4th day morning...

Kinda regret to open my email today... though i purposely deactivated my Facebook account, guess that was not enough. There are still a lot of other existing website like friendster, hi5 and so on that sent me birthday reminder...

KSS MALCX!!!!

Night of 3rd day...

Received a sms from someone... and I have to remind myself to KSS again... Even though she only sms me after midnight... which means, before she sleep... it made me happy but I know I shouldn't anymore as I have to uphold my principle... KSS!! Friends and activities partner are all that I pursue!!!

Don't Thing of Anything Malcx!!, Just KSS!!!

Day 3...

Well, during my day out today with my colleagues Lemon, her mom, Swee Ling, William and Thomas(used to call himself Ivan/Wayne), there were around 4 times I KSS... Just now, add together at my house playing mah jong with William and Thomas got another time, suppose to be around 8-9 times I KSS today...

Today after movie, Resident Evil: Afterlife with them, we head out for dinner at Wong Kok. It was the 1st time I been told that my walking style like a GAY LOU!!!, Normally, people only said like catwalk but Lemon told me I walk like a GAY LOU!! OMG!!!.. The movie was so so but after all, it was resident evil, so should be good ^^.

Tomorrow will have another day out to prevent myself from being alone. Also, able to date another person out for dinner on coming Wednesday ^^. It's good to have activities partner. As I don't ever think that I will find any lover anytime. I'm still deeply hurt by her choice...

On the 3rd day morning....

Even in the morning... I already KSS for 3 times... lol... And even tears come out...

The second day....

Well, yesterday was a hectic day. All my colleagues wanted to go back early. Some said need to go back hometown, some need to catch flight and etc. It was overall a busy day. Yet I still have time to remind myself of KSS for 5 times... There are certain things that reminded me of it...

Anyhow, yesterday was also another rare day when I received a rare invitation. And of cause I accepted the invitation since this rare person asked us to go out. As for me, a friend is always friends. Just that from 3 days ago, i made a decision to not to anymore to certain someone...

Apart from that, due to some unknown reason, I'm having extreme headache since last night till now on the right side of my brain. Headache, headache... could it be migraine?? Guess I have to resort to medicine...

Day 1

Today was the 1st day after i said it out... I will always remind myself of KSS from now on whenever i think of or reminded of... I don't know how many time have I reminded myself of KSS today. Even just now, a friend of mine somehow made me think of it... This god prank is really something... Im ended up drinking red wine again, plus i will be drinking my whiskeys soon... 1 chivas 12 and chivas 18 on the way back ^^... I just hope that I wouldn't end up as an alcoholic before I no need to remind myself of KSS...

A day a major decision is made...

Today I made a major decision in my life I think I ever made... I throw away almost all of my comic books, deactivated Facebook, and going to change my mobile number soon. The most major decision I ever made is... I deleted it. Within this week, none of it will be remain. All need to be gone. I know is extremely hurt and pain for my heart but decision had been made. With this, hope that a new path will open for me, a path that I dream for, a no worries path....

My wrist is still experiencing pain from the fall down yesterday and as expected, my leg got bruises... After all, I guessed is not worth it for me to be that good of a guy...

My heart ache and sorrow be by my side. The uncomfortable feelings are indescribable... But I will bear with this feelings and I will.

This blog will be my last place of putting in my experiences and memories, I will not share it out verbally anymore. Will keep on practicing "Keep it, Seal it and Shut it"...