Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Loving is Hurting
As my previous blog said, I’m going to take action. But after today, i guess i really can't move on like others do. I didn't dare to put out my heart again. I already feel the pain and hurted even when i open my door to let my heart feels the sunshine. Living in darkness is more suitable for me. Really loving someone truly will make yourselves hurt. When realize someone I truly love, it's too late for me... Loving is Hurting for me. I vow not to love anymore to prevent any unnecessary pain or hurt till the day god forgives me and never play a fool with me again.
Monday, February 23, 2009
My Driving Life...
Well, to be frank with those read my blog, this is the 3rd or 4th times i drived my car. Still very nervous and "sei for" for sometimes. But from time to time, i gradually feeling better. Manage to drive it safely at the least though my friend scold me drive too fast especially Patrick, he said if i drive fast like this, he might have heart attack ><><.
I drove to somewhere near the "maktab tentera diraja" then go to sg long with Patrick companion at 1st. Then he drove other car while on the way back. Left me drove alone. But everything went well. He also compliment me good at following others car. Felt happy caused got compliment but still in the end, very nervous. Need to drive more before i dare to fetch my girl (if i have one -_-)
Then we ended up ate steamboat at ketam and lastly we went "back to home" cafe (Fun OK Cafe). Which can be translate at go back home cafe. Fetch Eric back to ketam there for his car then i drove back home and parked it. HOME SAFELY ^^
To my surprise, my dad stay awake until i reached home only he went to sleep. Some more, there were some of his apprentice accompanied him waited for me to reach. I felt guilty to go home late. That time was 1pm...
As to my private social life. I've been name as "playboy"... i felt sad and hate myself. I unconsciously changed into a "playboy" just to make myself being happy whereby i disturb all the girls that i met. After being told that, i stop my behavior now and go back to my sad self... Faking myself to be happy will bring negative images to self. Maybe my ways were wrong but i really hate to be called "playboy" caused i didn't want to end up like my cousins, dad, uncle and grandpa... My bloodline all this while were playing around with gals... I really didn't want to end up like them.
I really didn't want to break the promise i made with her even though that promised were made when i still being with her, as her bf, that i will love her forever. Even after she found a new bf and moved on. I still want to keep this promise... I know i'm stupid all this while...
I'm a person that hunger for companion and love. Being alone made me sick and sad. I'm planning to break the promise as she clearly chosen him over me... didn't really care about me as her friend anymore. The feeling of hurt and sadness were very extreme... But i know i've to move on somehow... Accepting the facts and moving on now as I believed there is someone that managed to move my heart...
Thats all for now folks.
Good night and have a sweet dreams ya ^^
I drove to somewhere near the "maktab tentera diraja" then go to sg long with Patrick companion at 1st. Then he drove other car while on the way back. Left me drove alone. But everything went well. He also compliment me good at following others car. Felt happy caused got compliment but still in the end, very nervous. Need to drive more before i dare to fetch my girl (if i have one -_-)
Then we ended up ate steamboat at ketam and lastly we went "back to home" cafe (Fun OK Cafe). Which can be translate at go back home cafe. Fetch Eric back to ketam there for his car then i drove back home and parked it. HOME SAFELY ^^
To my surprise, my dad stay awake until i reached home only he went to sleep. Some more, there were some of his apprentice accompanied him waited for me to reach. I felt guilty to go home late. That time was 1pm...
As to my private social life. I've been name as "playboy"... i felt sad and hate myself. I unconsciously changed into a "playboy" just to make myself being happy whereby i disturb all the girls that i met. After being told that, i stop my behavior now and go back to my sad self... Faking myself to be happy will bring negative images to self. Maybe my ways were wrong but i really hate to be called "playboy" caused i didn't want to end up like my cousins, dad, uncle and grandpa... My bloodline all this while were playing around with gals... I really didn't want to end up like them.
I really didn't want to break the promise i made with her even though that promised were made when i still being with her, as her bf, that i will love her forever. Even after she found a new bf and moved on. I still want to keep this promise... I know i'm stupid all this while...
I'm a person that hunger for companion and love. Being alone made me sick and sad. I'm planning to break the promise as she clearly chosen him over me... didn't really care about me as her friend anymore. The feeling of hurt and sadness were very extreme... But i know i've to move on somehow... Accepting the facts and moving on now as I believed there is someone that managed to move my heart...
Thats all for now folks.
Good night and have a sweet dreams ya ^^
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Valentine's Day on 2009
This year valentine's, i couldn't spent it with her anymore... as she has decided to spent it with another person and not me. Though i felt very sad but in the end, i spent it with my dear god-sister in the morning till noon and on noon, i got to spent my time with chris and joyce. Eric and Patrick come after i met them up. They were late. We (chris, joyce and me) went to eat sushi king. Both of them were eating happily but not me... I don't know why i couldn't get back the happy feeling when i eat sushi anymore. The feeling was not there anymore. There might be 2 factor for this, 1st is because she is not with me anymore and the 2nd, i couldn't eat my favourite fish ><. Well, all in all i still manage to fill up my stomach with tempura, kappa maki, chawanmushi and a cha soba. It's still better to eat at sakae sushi where it have tenzaru soba (don't know spell it right or not). My life is changing, that what i were sure of. (Eric come after we finished eat). Then we went to hunt my presents. It takes some times and i hope she like it. I bought it for someone who still care about me from her heart and didn't lie to me. To my special friend, my dear Venise. I wish her have a wonderful and unforgettable Valentine's with her boyfriend.
We went for a movie after that. We watched Valkyrie which the ticket seller told me is an action movie but instead it was some art and historical movie which words were more than action. Some of my friend were not keen to watch this kinda movie... I felt bad that i chosen then wrong movie -_-"...
Anyhow, whats make this years valentine's so special was that we discover something which most of the time only heard from fairy tales or some fantasy like drama/movie. Eric and Joyce were actually relatives to each other ><. They met when they were still very young to each others, growing up in the same community and seperated around the ages of 7 or 8. Living their own life and now, on this wonderful day, they discovered each others back. After around 15 years, they were brought back together by fate (which in this case might be chris and me ^^). How their story will go on depends on them now ^^. Becoming a best friend? Who knows ^^.
Another great things about today was that i didn't touch any alcohol which i thought i would probably drink till drunk. It might symbolize a good start for me... since now malcx has gone...
Signed, Celosse
We went for a movie after that. We watched Valkyrie which the ticket seller told me is an action movie but instead it was some art and historical movie which words were more than action. Some of my friend were not keen to watch this kinda movie... I felt bad that i chosen then wrong movie -_-"...
Anyhow, whats make this years valentine's so special was that we discover something which most of the time only heard from fairy tales or some fantasy like drama/movie. Eric and Joyce were actually relatives to each other ><. They met when they were still very young to each others, growing up in the same community and seperated around the ages of 7 or 8. Living their own life and now, on this wonderful day, they discovered each others back. After around 15 years, they were brought back together by fate (which in this case might be chris and me ^^). How their story will go on depends on them now ^^. Becoming a best friend? Who knows ^^.
Another great things about today was that i didn't touch any alcohol which i thought i would probably drink till drunk. It might symbolize a good start for me... since now malcx has gone...
Signed, Celosse
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