Working also think of her...

Today is the second day of my work... My work require me to smile alot but i felt it very hard for me to smile it out. Being scold by my senior quite a numbers of time because not enough of smile. But how can i smile... its very hard... Even working.. i'm thinking of her... Though i'm quite busy with my works, i dunno why my mind still have her with me.... I totally cant forget about her every moment... have watery eyes today while working cause i saw a lovely couple where they very close with each others... It reminds me of her... our time together then the water came out... I control myself on time... thus no tears came out but it's very hard for me to continue on to smile. The job is nice and have a bright prospect but i dunno i manage to do it well or not with the feeling i'm having... Reach home around 9:30pm today... my work takes out most of my time... I tot that i can forget and not think about her with my works but it seem totally different... i think of her even more. If being continue to scold not enough smile, i guess i will get fire soon... My life now is really painful than death... Luckily, i only need to suffer and bear with the pain 26 hours more and i can totally rest in peace. Those that want to say anything to me or I owe them anything, do call me up before it is too late. Take care all my friends...

Rather die then survive

I never thought that survive and continue to live on will be such painful. Its 1000% more painful than death right now. Everyday after work, that feeling will come and visit me... Suffering every night... looking for her to share but i guess she is not that interested in my story anymore. As i'm continue to plan going off after i think that it is very suffering to continue on. Most Probably my blog end right here right now. Everyone around me were lying to me, including her. For what i kept what i said then? Till now, there are 40 hours left before i go. If there is anything one who i owe them anything. Pls contact me to get it back now or it will be too late. For those who cares for me. I'm very very thanks but i decided. I know i will disappoint you all but the feeling right now is very painful. Very much painful than before and thus i made such decision. This will be the end of it. Thx and sorry... Farewell and good bye

My heart...

Tonight, i'm going to conclude that my birthday this year will be different from last 2 years where i will be spending it alone and not with her... This day will be the day i wont forget in my life. And today was also the day i felt a spiritual feeling of "losing". And after that, came with serious pain in my heart... I guess i have to learn to control my emotion well... if not it will continue to hurt... it's very pain even while i'm typing this out. I guess the hardest day for me to pass in this years will be my coming birthday which i had to spent it alone... And "alone", the feeling i afraid of the most have came back to me... It's very hard to control my emotion with such pain in heart and the feeling of alone... Will i be able to live till christmas this year? My heart is really in pain...

Realize...

Realize something today... I'm very happy seeing her smile like that today...

MAKING A BABY (Very funny jokes)

This jokes i got it from my multiply. Just tot of sharing it here ^^

MAKING A BABY There is not one dirty word in it.....
The Smiths were unable to conceive and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" [Hide Quoted Text]
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that. [Hide Quoted Text]
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look".
Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted .......

Birthday...

My birthday is just around the corner... I still not confirm whether i will be celebrating it alone this year or not... Hoping for miracle to happen here...23 years old birthday, once past, there will not be another 23rd birthday anymore...

I'm missing her badly...

Today i have told her about my feelings, views, and all about myself to her. I hope she can understand me better this way and have a happier life without thinking me as her burden. I hope and wish that she will give in some thought on what I had said to her. Here is a phrase that i found in other blog. I find it very true.

"Past is something that cant be change and we have to accept it to move on. Our love story before may not be good but we have to accept it and move on.
Future is something unpredictable as who knows what will happen the seconds after. Thinking too far into the future of our love will only make ourself miserable. Afraid that choosing the wrong partner to love, afraid of being hurt in the future. All this will only hinder the growth of love. Who knows what will happen in the future.
Present is what we should focus on. Love is something that not everyone have the chances to stumble upon on. Some may find it easily and some may not. So appreciate those around you now. If u think there is a chance for you to fall in love, why not? If you are given the chance to love, accept it. Make a difference in your life today, as you will never know what the outcomes are. It may end up positively or vice versa. Who knows. What matters the most is the present, the feelings of love that we have for each other now.
Don't deny yourself of love, for you'll bring suffering to yourself. You might even regret it, for not taking the "road not taken". You might grunt at yourself, 10 years later, for not choosing the other option. Learn to accept. Learn to love. "

As for me right now, even though i know it's gonna be hard for her to come back to me but my choice is to continue to love her. Who knows what may lies in our future. I won't deny myself of love. I know i did very wrong in my past. I were wrong, very wrong. I sincerely apologize. I'm willing to do anything to repent. I promise that same incidents won't happen again. Please forgive me ting. I LOVE YOU FOREVER TING. When i say "I Love You", i mean it so that we can walk into the future unafraid together, I mean that you're the best thing that happened to me and i know no matter what, I'll keep my promise of love to you ting. I love you.

There are some generalized tips on how to make good and lasting relationship.

There are some generalized tips on how to make good and lasting relationship.

1 Listen to your beloved.

2 Try to show tolerance and be open-minded. Avoid showing sarcasm and negativity. In general, anything that can cause you a bad mood or her bad mood should be avoided.

3 You should learn to give as well as to take - to give or take is not the answer, only a combination of the two in equal measure.

4 Try to make your partner's parents like you. It is very important for both of you.

5 Learn to give unconditionally. To expect always something in return is the same as paying for something.

6 Avoid being too emotional in your everyday life. It can be especially applied to males. You will have to convince your beloved that you are strong; that you are self-confident; that you know what to do; and that she can rely on your emotional strength to be a help for her.

7 Kindness, understanding, trust and consideration are the keywords in relationships. If you are only trying to derive benefit from these relationships, forget about mutual understanding.

8 In every relationship it is important to be a good and reliable friend. If you are your beloved's understanding friend, she/he will be grateful and rewarding.

9 Don't let anyone treat you abusively. Demand respect.

10 If your relationships are established, you should carry on showing your beloved that you love and appreciate him/her. It is not difficult. You can do this by little things as buying flowers and small presents from time to time.

11 Beware of possessiveness and claiming behavior. Keep in mind that your partner is as independent as you are and should never be treated as an object or possession.

12 Don't let other people push your buttons. Otherwise you won't be able to make any decision by yourself.

13 Learn to adjourn your recompense through patience, trust and understanding.

14 Try to see your partner's point of view. Agree to disagree.

15 Respect your partner's space.

Lipstick in school (funny jokes)

Lipstick in School (You've got to love this Headmistress)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Newcastle upon Tyne was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the Headmistress decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with themaintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing amajor problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night [you can just imagine the yawns from the little Geordie 'Princesses'). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, sheasked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort wasrequired.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers....

........and then there are educators

~18th July 2008~

It's been a long time since i felt really happy. And on this day I'm ^^. Able to be happy again after so long, really cure away my fever. But only happy for 1 day cant cure away my MDD.

Today on 20th July 2008 around 2 something in the morning, I was enlighten by a book entitle "Love is Letting Go of Fear". The book was very nice. It helps me alot. I never regret buying this book ^^. Ting, I love you more and more now ^^

Can't Smile Without You

Here is the song sang in the movie Hellboy 2, Cant smile without you. I deeply touch by it. Thus, i'm sharing it out with u guys out there with the lyrics together. Let's sing ^^

You know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song

And brightened my day

Who would have believed that you were part of a dream

Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find

Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad

I feel sad when you're sad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile without you

A word of appreciation

Ting, i would like to say thank you to you for allowing me to know what is life. Thank you ting for letting me know what is happiness. Being with you these 2 years plus let me understand what happiness really means. These 2 years plus will always be the happiest moment i have in my life. Ting, thank you again for letting me know what is sadness. After breaking up with you, i realize that i still love you and tried my best to court you back but you choose not to love me anymore. It let me know what the true meaning of sadness at that moment. Hearing someone you love telling you "i do not love you" makes me realize what is sadness. Thank you ting. Thank you again ting for allowing me to know what is regret. As in my life before, regret never occurred even once. But right now when i lose you, i understand well what is the meaning of regret. Lastly, thank you ting for allowing me to know what life is. You let me know how colourful living in this world were. There are brightness and also darkness. You let me know what is happiness and also what is sadness. Thanks ting for letting me experienced the meaning of life. I never ever regret loving you ting. You taught me alot of things. You taught me to eat healthy food, to clean up and arrange my things in a proper way, taught me what love means and also how hurt is it to hurt your love one. You really teaches me alot of things in my life ting. Thank you. I would like to repay all these to you with my life if can. Thanks again ting, i will always love you.

Movie alone

Have any one of you there experience going to movie alone? I have numerous experiences on this... The 1st time i went to watch movie alone was to watch "L change the world". Because no ppl would want to company me watch this movie... I ended up watching it alone. The feeling was very sad cause no body around you to share with... Today, i went to watch alone again for the movie "Hellboy 2: The Golden Army". When i 1st seated inside the cinema hall today, i felt like smiling + crying. Then when the movie start, felt better as i concentrated on the movie. But when the movie finish, i felt like want to cry. Cause i'm all alone with no one to share the story with. The feeling was not nice at all. I dun think i will ever watch movie alone again...

Feeling very regret

This have been a long time since i touch back this blog. I never tot that i will be touching this blog ever again since have friendster. But well, it seem i did it today. I really regret on my past right now cause i made my love one left me. It were all my fault where i betray her love towards me by fall to other girl. But in the end, before i really work up with that girl. I realize that she is not the one for me and my babe, Ting Ting is. I realize that i love her very much. But all because of I handle it wrongly where we break up during our most important final exam. I made her grade drop 1 level which makes her hate me more. She and her family were those education type. They look education as a very important aspect. And because of all this, even though i realize that the one i truly love is her, it's all too late... She dun love me anymore. She told me she totally dun love me anymore... It hurts me like hell, I would like to directly suicide that day.

Now it's been 2 month after we break... and I have suffer from major depression disorder now. Loving someone that doesn't love you back at all it very suffering. Whenever u think she is close with another guy, u feel jealous and will be sad and depress. Because of thinking about such things, I've been crying like hell constantly. I knew a guy shouldn't cry but i cant stop it from flowing out of my eyes. I really love her... One of my friend said, "is not worth it even though you love her back and u suffering like this. If she love you, she won't made me suffer like this." Ya I know that well, I'm suffering because she dun love me anymore. Ya, i may seem stupid fro some of you there reading my blog because i'm loving a girl that does not love me anymore and fall for other guys. But the choice is mine and who i love is my choice. Even though i know i have no hope, won't be happy and will be suffering for sure. I still choose to love her because i know, she really is, my true love. I will continue to love her till my last breath in this cruel world which eventually taught her to be cruel to me. I'm not blaming others here. I'm only blaming myself on this because it ended up like this all because of me who handle it wrongly, who betray her love. I'm a jerk, a scum, a low life being. From time to time... i would really want to go far away from this place and finish up my life because it is really very suffering. But, I still have my mom who i need to take care of and I also dun want her to be sad for me and felt guilty for it even though is not her fault because to suicide or not is my choice. I may seem very stupid in love. Yes i truly were stupid cause i let it ended up like this. Every day and night, I've been missing her... looking back at our pictures together, i cried... looking back at the things that she bought for me and made for me, I cried because it helds no meaning anymore... looking back at her belonging that still at my place brings back memories of us being together, felt happy for a second but then when focus back on present, she had already part away from me... felt damn sad... depressing and regret on what I did were all I did...

Ended up now, I'm having Major Depressive Disorder plus with a high fever where i did not plan to eat any medicine... Let's see when will i be hospitalize or i can still go on like usual. Alot of strange pain occurred inside my body frequently now. My injured place, my stomach, my head, and especially, my heart and my chest. It is all Hurt like hell. Is not that i dun take care of my health, I've already done what i can. It still end up this way, I can't control it. As I'm doing muti (eat only plain water and plain rice), I'm not allow to take medicine. So let's see how many days more till I collapse. Thats all for now folks... See whether I still have chance to touch this blog ever again or not...