Rather die then survive

I never thought that survive and continue to live on will be such painful. Its 1000% more painful than death right now. Everyday after work, that feeling will come and visit me... Suffering every night... looking for her to share but i guess she is not that interested in my story anymore. As i'm continue to plan going off after i think that it is very suffering to continue on. Most Probably my blog end right here right now. Everyone around me were lying to me, including her. For what i kept what i said then? Till now, there are 40 hours left before i go. If there is anything one who i owe them anything. Pls contact me to get it back now or it will be too late. For those who cares for me. I'm very very thanks but i decided. I know i will disappoint you all but the feeling right now is very painful. Very much painful than before and thus i made such decision. This will be the end of it. Thx and sorry... Farewell and good bye