My heart...

Tonight, i'm going to conclude that my birthday this year will be different from last 2 years where i will be spending it alone and not with her... This day will be the day i wont forget in my life. And today was also the day i felt a spiritual feeling of "losing". And after that, came with serious pain in my heart... I guess i have to learn to control my emotion well... if not it will continue to hurt... it's very pain even while i'm typing this out. I guess the hardest day for me to pass in this years will be my coming birthday which i had to spent it alone... And "alone", the feeling i afraid of the most have came back to me... It's very hard to control my emotion with such pain in heart and the feeling of alone... Will i be able to live till christmas this year? My heart is really in pain...