Is complicately sad

Today... or should i say recently... I'm not quite happy... I were feeling sad from time to time... I feel lost at some time... I just don't feel good. Missing her... And today, by what she post on FB... "Every meeting is a blessing, if it isn't then it is a lesson"... It clearly stated that I'm a lesson in her life... not even a blessing... Even though for me... she is a blessing... I feel so sad and feel very bad about it... Even though I can hide it well.... I just feel bad...

The sad things...

Realize one thing today... Which made me feel sad... Well is actually I know just that I don't want to accept. Certain places that I can't go with her. She is still willing to go with him. Is their memory. Is the places of their memory. I van never break the ice if continue like this... She said she won't go to those places with me but yet she is willing to go with him. God please help me. ...

Today... Heartbroken day

Today is the day Ching Yee choose to left me... She broke up with me. And today will also be the day that the devil is rise. I Malcolm Hah Cheng Khean vow to be the devil from today onwards. I will be cruel to others. Be selfish to myself. And at the same time, I vow and swear that I Malcolm Hah Cheng Khean will remember the pain I received today.

Tong Hua (童话) Cover - English/Chinese + Violin/Trumpet by Jason Chen & J...

ending

this will be the end ^^ no need to follow anymore, i will continue to write on my personal blog. things change... and eventually , some ppl will not appreciate anymore... and im those that not being appreciate anymore. So the existence of this blog is no longer worth. cyaz

Another tiring day

Well, last sat went for sky trek and this sat i went for Broga (again >.<) with my colleagues, manager and his childs ^^. After that we went to "Sek La Tok Temple" and took some pics ^^. Coming back home, then rest for awhile and went out for Hachiko with my daughter Amelinda ^^. He fetched me ^^, long time no ppl fetch d >.< But ended up i left my house key in her car >.< Reach home mom slept d, OMG!!. Have to call my uncle come down open the door for me. Luckily, i hide the keys at some place so even without bringing my keys back home, I still manage to sleep on my bed ^^.

The sad thing is ... I miss her badly and i felt extremely cold and lonely...

Is still the same

Though the said and promise day is already past but still, it will never be fulfill... Plus the attempt I try to make seem unsuccessful too...

Tiring

Went for sky trek on sat noon (that damn vincent didn't manage to reserved us the morning session) make it so damn hot >.< Sweaty all the time. The difficulty we went for was extreme level. Is was the 1st time i been there and they told me it was extreme level -_-" but well, it end up ok for me. Just the toughest part will be the ladder part. The balancing part, ^^, can't even shake me a bit. I'm very proud of myself as I'm very good at balancing myself ^^. It's a very exciting activity after all.

But well, when it comes back to me alone (the time i'm alone), it just made me think of her. I miss her truly... I still love her a lot... God, pls help me... If you as a god couldn't help me, just arrange satan/demon/devil to come finish me off sooner. I don' wanna live with this feeling... I may end up become a schizophrenia patient if this continue and if it come true, I dun want to be a burden to my family member. Just finish me off and let me R.I.P. will ya? Pls god. Thx in advance...

...

Is really hard to contain my feeling now when each day pass... i wonder when will i go insane...maybe become crazy or schizo also is good... no need to think anymore and be happy with everything... let me be crazy then...hope the day i explode come soon

Hide it...

No matter what, hide ur feeling malcx, no matter how u feel, how u restraint urself, or even to change ur style, just hide it no matter what. U have to as there ain't a thing u can do anymore... Accept the facts... Bear with it... and release it when no ones know

Dun like how i feel...

Recently, the feeling of KSS reemerge... lucky that i still able to ctrl... Hiding it is not a good way after all, it might explode and something bad might happen then... need to find a solution fast... Don't know till when my body can last...

KSS

Keep it in Malcx... some pictures of her, yes will reminded u of her but u are a past, face the present malcx, dun be sad...

Sh*t, I really missing her..

I admit that I miss her... but there ain't a thing I can do... All I can do is wishing for her happiness and appreciate whatever things that happened to me now. How? By saying thx and not just saying it but I mean it with my heart when I thx ppl. Appreciating others, is all I can do now to improve... And as my previous post said(dunno how long ago), There ain't a second chance in this world. Reality is cruel, FACE IT MALCX!!!

ermmm...

will i be able to? i wonder...

Enlighten again...

Somehow ... I feel that doing counseling for people is good. I can learn things and remind myself things that I forgotten. I did that to certain people before too. So I should know the feeling well better than others who have not experienced it.

The time I changed my heart, I didn't really care what she said at that moment. Is true that when someone changed his/her heart, that moment, no matter what one's does, the care is gone... It no longer was there... Now when I think of it, it's the same things. She changed her heart so no matter what I did... it will be useless. Cause when someone change, is changed. Mending it back will take some times...

So there is no need to do stupid things from now on to get each other attention cause is useless but well, at the very least, u will stay in her mind by contacting them once in a while hoping and praying that miracle will happen... Yet in the end... we call it miracle cause it's rarely occur... NItez all

Missing her badly...so?

I'm missing her badly here but there is nothing that I can do... I know that very well... very very well... Being controlling myself very well at not to sms her and not mention about those 3 words... In the end... I really afraid that I may become someone I don't wish to... Hope and pray I still be able to ctrl...

Alone/Not Alone in Genting Time...

Well, not all the time alone after all. Met with Batman and Catwoman and we had lunch together on the 1st day I arrived. The hilarious part here was that when we paid the bill. One problem occurred. Initially, I agree to let Batman treat me since he offered, but he only have 1 piece of RM100 note. Here come the hilarious part, the waiter asked us whether got anymore small changes (we eat for about Rm74++). The waiter claimed that bank didn't open on Sunday and they don't had enough small changes. Batman insisted to pay for the bill and take out his credit card. BUT, the waiter claim the credit card machine spoiled >.< LOL. So it ended up I paid for them ^^. Forget to mentioned, we dined at Kenny Roger (not recommended if not no choice >.<)

That was the eating part. But something else happened before that. That was the queue that I took to check in, it was 4374 at the moment I got my tix but the tix number on my hand was 4838... WTF!!, 500++ queue to be wait!! (it was around 2pm plus when i reached) And that's why I ended up joining them for dinner and also temporarily put my luggage in their room and rest. We rest till around 5pm++ only I head down to checked on my queue and to my surprise, maybe I'm definitely lucky, it's almost my turn ^^. After manage to get my room and transfer mt luggage back to my room (5847 was my room no.) we head out for haunted house 4D. It doesn't enough to scare me but both Batman and Catwoman were afraid to watch such things. Ended up I managed to scared Catwoman ^^ (guess u all can predicted that I will scared ppl >.<) Throughout this trip, I manage to scared Catwoman for around 3 to 4 times ^^.

After that, we went to Casino at First World Hotel. The Casino with a name "Star" which is my lucky sign ^^. As usual, I gamble at baccarat table and I won RM200 for the 1st day and RM300 for the second day. My trip to Genting was PAID ^^. Totally FOC.

After Casino, we went around to feel the breeze and took some pictures, it should be upload by them later on ^^. After the photo shooting session, they went back to their room and so do I ^^. But I came back out after opened the red wine I brought (to breath) to Safari. The only club at Genting. The cover changes is RM25. CHeAp ^^. Went in with a bottle of complimentary Tuborg. Knew a some new friends, Denise, Maybo, Steven, Grace, Alex, Sky and etc (forget their names >.<) Most of them worked at Genting ranking from manager, assistant manager, supervisor and so on. But one particular guy, which were the BOSS for the day, Denise. He claimed that he won RM23k last night after 8 bottles of Hennessey at G6 before that. He is definitely a rich man. And a very good potential customer of mine >.<
To my surprise, I didn't take action to meet girls there. And frankly, I can start to date girl if I wanted to but I didn't. Reason? I'm afraid... I'm afraid to be hurt again. Let's forget about that ^^

I still have 1 more night to stay here at Genting. BORING!!! But the air and breeze is definitely better than KL. I luv the weather here. That's all for now ^^ ciaoz

After rest ti

Midnight Lonesome...

Just came back from Overtime at Sunway Giza. Thought of going to Movida just now as my gang said they will be there. End up when I reach, they were at Overtime, some are drunk >.< Earlier, went to celebrate Carol Birthday with Caren, William, Alex and Kenneth at "Jai" talk. Somewhere located around Pandan Indah. That William said wanna go for second round, thus i suggest to go Giza ... ended up that bastard said tired and wanna head home...Ended up joining my gang which consists of Jacky & GF, Kenneth & GF, E.C. Tan & wife, Alex and Derrick. Had a couple of bottles more before i came back home ^^.
Now when I reached home... I feel lonely... the feeling of missing her became very strong... wish that she will be here with me now...
KSS!!!

The feeling...

The feeling of missing her, keep on growing but there is nth left for me to do other than blessing her. Wondering what she doing at this moment, at that moment... all the time... When she replied, i felt happy and when she didn't... i dun feel sad but just accepting the facts... In other words, I just feel hurt... by my own action and i lead to now... Sadness is always by my side, just that i bury her all the time next to my shadow... Only when my shadow has the most power, my sadness will be review.

I miss u ....

Times getting close

The days i go to genting is getting nearer but yet, i still unable to find partners or ppl to accompany me go. Guess i will need to stick with the original plan on goin alone... Alone is good sometimes but sometimes in someplace, i wish badly that there is someone for me ...