It's been a long time since i last blogged... I really thought that i will be gone from this world as i attempt to suicicde before, Just that i still manage to wake up in the next morning which made my attempt to suicde failed. Well here i'm now to continue on with my blog.
My life is been a suffering life as usual as i couldn't forget about my love one... though it is almost half years now. I still in grief about losing her... I'm still punishing myslf from time to time and alcohol had become one of my close friend now... Though i cant drink alot but i almost drink 1 or 2 cup every night to make myself sober so that i can go to sleep easier rather than continue to think think think and think.
I'm quite lucky for me to enter public bank and work over there now. It's just located within the walking distance which is the Changkat Tambi Dollah branch. I know most of u haven't have an idea where is it. ^^ It is just located behind Times Square and some where near Eu Yan Sang headquarter. Working in there as a graduate trainee in banking operation @ senior operation officer. Nth much to do as the job description. Just signed cheques everyday and confirming cheques right now. And recently, like usual, i found myself unable to concentrate on my work already as i get used to it... My concentration fall into the memory of being together with her... Which make me feels so down... Luckily i still manage to control my working performance. Today, though i'm extremely down but i didn't do any mistake ^^.
Day by day passes by but i still couldn't forget about her... which made me more grieved everyday. Been crying alot... And i'm not ashamed to tell out that i do cried every night before i sleep and when i wake up everyday since September 11...
And now after alot of consultation with my friends and colleagues, I've choosen a new path which i never thought of before. As it is contradicted to my principle but since i really couldn't forget about her... It is time for me to make some action... If not, i really will be regreting over it my whole life as i afraid i will be waiting here patiently, loving her one sided till she marry another person. I will make some action from now one. I belive one should go after what they wish for when they still can and not just sit and wait. As nth will happen as u just sit and wait without doing anything.
My new path will begin this coming saturday 18th of October 2008. A new legacy will born from me... Though i know my chances aren't high... I'll still pursue what i think is right for me to do so that i won't feel more regret than whatever i'm having now. As i have made a vow that i will love her forever, i will keep that till my last breath no matter what happened. Worst case, i will stay single for my life with my one sided love...
Love... really have changed my life alot... Becoming more matured in thinking and behavior... I have cure myself from my self injured... but the effect from my previous self injured still affecting me till now though it have been 3 months... And currently, my appendix wound which should be alright started to attack me again... The pain is undescribable... Somehow... i feel happy that i'm in such a condition as i believe it is a good punishment for me. Somepart of me... would like to be gone from this world... As i have been dreaming about suicide recently and been thinking about it too... I knowit is a warning signs... But i will try my best to avoid from doin it as i know there are still people that cares for me...
Thats all for now folks, I will continue to blog again when i have free time and new news. (If i'm still alive by then...)
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