A Lone Leo's Life

The sad things...

2011-06-16T20:06:00.002+08:00

Realize one thing today... Which made me feel sad... Well is actually I know just that I don't want to accept. Certain places that I can't go with her. She is still willing to go with him. Is their memory. Is the places of their memory. I van never break the ice if continue like this... She said she won't go to those places with me but yet she is willing to go with him. God please help me. ...

Today... Heartbroken day

2011-06-13T22:20:00.002+08:00

Today is the day Ching Yee choose to left me... She broke up with me. And today will also be the day that the devil is rise. I Malcolm Hah Cheng Khean vow to be the devil from today onwards. I will be cruel to others. Be selfish to myself. And at the same time, I vow and swear that I Malcolm Hah Cheng Khean will eat neither beef nor fish from this moment onwards as to remember the pain I received today.

Tong Hua (童话) Cover - English/Chinese + Violin/Trumpet by Jason Chen & J...

2010-11-29T20:49:00.000+08:00

ending

2010-10-26T22:03:00.002+08:00

this will be the end ^^ no need to follow anymore, i will continue to write on my personal blog. things change... and eventually , some ppl will not appreciate anymore... and im those that not being appreciate anymore. So the existence of this blog is no longer worth. cyaz

Another tiring day

2010-10-24T11:41:00.002+08:00

Well, last sat went for sky trek and this sat i went for Broga (again >.<) with my colleagues, manager and his childs ^^. After that we went to "Sek La Tok Temple" and took some pics ^^. Coming back home, then rest for awhile and went out for Hachiko with my daughter Amelinda ^^. He fetched me ^^, long time no ppl fetch d >.< But ended up i left my house key in her car >.< Reach home mom slept d, OMG!!. Have to call my uncle come down open the door for me. Luckily, i hide the keys at some place so even without bringing my keys back home, I still manage to sleep on my bed ^^.

The sad thing is ... I miss her badly and i felt extremely cold and lonely...

Is still the same

2010-10-24T11:39:00.001+08:00

Though the said and promise day is already past but still, it will never be fulfill... Plus the attempt I try to make seem unsuccessful too...

Tiring

2010-10-17T23:16:00.002+08:00

Went for sky trek on sat noon (that damn vincent didn't manage to reserved us the morning session) make it so damn hot >.< Sweaty all the time. The difficulty we went for was extreme level. Is was the 1st time i been there and they told me it was extreme level -_-" but well, it end up ok for me. Just the toughest part will be the ladder part. The balancing part, ^^, can't even shake me a bit. I'm very proud of myself as I'm very good at balancing myself ^^. It's a very exciting activity after all.

But well, when it comes back to me alone (the time i'm alone), it just made me think of her. I miss her truly... I still love her a lot... God, pls help me... If you as a god couldn't help me, just arrange satan/demon/devil to come finish me off sooner. I don' wanna live with this feeling... I may end up become a schizophrenia patient if this continue and if it come true, I dun want to be a burden to my family member. Just finish me off and let me R.I.P. will ya? Pls god. Thx in advance...

...

2010-10-17T01:43:00.003+08:00

Is really hard to contain my feeling now when each day pass... i wonder when will i go insane...maybe become crazy or schizo also is good... no need to think anymore and be happy with everything... let me be crazy then...hope the day i explode come soon

Hide it...

2010-10-15T16:05:00.003+08:00

No matter what, hide ur feeling malcx, no matter how u feel, how u restraint urself, or even to change ur style, just hide it no matter what. U have to as there ain't a thing u can do anymore... Accept the facts... Bear with it... and release it when no ones know

Dun like how i feel...

2010-10-12T20:54:00.003+08:00

Recently, the feeling of KSS reemerge... lucky that i still able to ctrl... Hiding it is not a good way after all, it might explode and something bad might happen then... need to find a solution fast... Don't know till when my body can last...

KSS

2010-10-10T21:25:00.001+08:00

Keep it in Malcx... some pictures of her, yes will reminded u of her but u are a past, face the present malcx, dun be sad...

Sh*t, I really missing her..

2010-10-09T00:15:00.002+08:00

I admit that I miss her... but there ain't a thing I can do... All I can do is wishing for her happiness and appreciate whatever things that happened to me now. How? By saying thx and not just saying it but I mean it with my heart when I thx ppl. Appreciating others, is all I can do now to improve... And as my previous post said(dunno how long ago), There ain't a second chance in this world. Reality is cruel, FACE IT MALCX!!!

ermmm...

2010-10-03T22:32:00.000+08:00

will i be able to? i wonder...

Enlighten again...

2010-09-29T23:58:00.002+08:00

Somehow ... I feel that doing counseling for people is good. I can learn things and remind myself things that I forgotten. I did that to certain people before too. So I should know the feeling well better than others who have not experienced it.

The time I changed my heart, I didn't really care what she said at that moment. Is true that when someone changed his/her heart, that moment, no matter what one's does, the care is gone... It no longer was there... Now when I think of it, it's the same things. She changed her heart so no matter what I did... it will be useless. Cause when someone change, is changed. Mending it back will take some times...

So there is no need to do stupid things from now on to get each other attention cause is useless but well, at the very least, u will stay in her mind by contacting them once in a while hoping and praying that miracle will happen... Yet in the end... we call it miracle cause it's rarely occur... NItez all

Missing her badly...so?

2010-09-28T18:33:00.003+08:00

I'm missing her badly here but there is nothing that I can do... I know that very well... very very well... Being controlling myself very well at not to sms her and not mention about those 3 words... In the end... I really afraid that I may become someone I don't wish to... Hope and pray I still be able to ctrl...

Alone/Not Alone in Genting Time...

2010-09-27T15:36:00.002+08:00

Well, not all the time alone after all. Met with Batman and Catwoman and we had lunch together on the 1st day I arrived. The hilarious part here was that when we paid the bill. One problem occurred. Initially, I agree to let Batman treat me since he offered, but he only have 1 piece of RM100 note. Here come the hilarious part, the waiter asked us whether got anymore small changes (we eat for about Rm74++). The waiter claimed that bank didn't open on Sunday and they don't had enough small changes. Batman insisted to pay for the bill and take out his credit card. BUT, the waiter claim the credit card machine spoiled >.< LOL. So it ended up I paid for them ^^. Forget to mentioned, we dined at Kenny Roger (not recommended if not no choice >.<)

That was the eating part. But something else happened before that. That was the queue that I took to check in, it was 4374 at the moment I got my tix but the tix number on my hand was 4838... WTF!!, 500++ queue to be wait!! (it was around 2pm plus when i reached) And that's why I ended up joining them for dinner and also temporarily put my luggage in their room and rest. We rest till around 5pm++ only I head down to checked on my queue and to my surprise, maybe I'm definitely lucky, it's almost my turn ^^. After manage to get my room and transfer mt luggage back to my room (5847 was my room no.) we head out for haunted house 4D. It doesn't enough to scare me but both Batman and Catwoman were afraid to watch such things. Ended up I managed to scared Catwoman ^^ (guess u all can predicted that I will scared ppl >.<) Throughout this trip, I manage to scared Catwoman for around 3 to 4 times ^^.

After that, we went to Casino at First World Hotel. The Casino with a name "Star" which is my lucky sign ^^. As usual, I gamble at baccarat table and I won RM200 for the 1st day and RM300 for the second day. My trip to Genting was PAID ^^. Totally FOC.

After Casino, we went around to feel the breeze and took some pictures, it should be upload by them later on ^^. After the photo shooting session, they went back to their room and so do I ^^. But I came back out after opened the red wine I brought (to breath) to Safari. The only club at Genting. The cover changes is RM25. CHeAp ^^. Went in with a bottle of complimentary Tuborg. Knew a some new friends, Denise, Maybo, Steven, Grace, Alex, Sky and etc (forget their names >.<) Most of them worked at Genting ranking from manager, assistant manager, supervisor and so on. But one particular guy, which were the BOSS for the day, Denise. He claimed that he won RM23k last night after 8 bottles of Hennessey at G6 before that. He is definitely a rich man. And a very good potential customer of mine >.<
To my surprise, I didn't take action to meet girls there. And frankly, I can start to date girl if I wanted to but I didn't. Reason? I'm afraid... I'm afraid to be hurt again. Let's forget about that ^^

I still have 1 more night to stay here at Genting. BORING!!! But the air and breeze is definitely better than KL. I luv the weather here. That's all for now ^^ ciaoz

After rest ti

Midnight Lonesome...

2010-09-25T04:23:00.002+08:00

Just came back from Overtime at Sunway Giza. Thought of going to Movida just now as my gang said they will be there. End up when I reach, they were at Overtime, some are drunk >.< Earlier, went to celebrate Carol Birthday with Caren, William, Alex and Kenneth at "Jai" talk. Somewhere located around Pandan Indah. That William said wanna go for second round, thus i suggest to go Giza ... ended up that bastard said tired and wanna head home...Ended up joining my gang which consists of Jacky & GF, Kenneth & GF, E.C. Tan & wife, Alex and Derrick. Had a couple of bottles more before i came back home ^^.
Now when I reached home... I feel lonely... the feeling of missing her became very strong... wish that she will be here with me now...
KSS!!!

The feeling...

2010-09-23T20:57:00.003+08:00

The feeling of missing her, keep on growing but there is nth left for me to do other than blessing her. Wondering what she doing at this moment, at that moment... all the time... When she replied, i felt happy and when she didn't... i dun feel sad but just accepting the facts... In other words, I just feel hurt... by my own action and i lead to now... Sadness is always by my side, just that i bury her all the time next to my shadow... Only when my shadow has the most power, my sadness will be review.

I miss u ....

Times getting close

2010-09-21T00:05:00.003+08:00

The days i go to genting is getting nearer but yet, i still unable to find partners or ppl to accompany me go. Guess i will need to stick with the original plan on goin alone... Alone is good sometimes but sometimes in someplace, i wish badly that there is someone for me ...

Getting harder AND HARDER!!!

2010-09-19T09:12:00.002+08:00

... hard to KSS... i miss it...

....

2010-09-17T00:09:00.001+08:00

Something... written in another blog...

Sharing with Khan

2010-09-15T21:44:00.002+08:00

The sharing session with Khan today was especially superb. Being enlightened to certain level beyond my own imagination. Will always remind myself and be conscious over what I learned today.

Remind yourself Malcx...

2010-09-12T19:44:00.002+08:00

Do remind urself and KSS...You don't want another scar wouldn't you Malcx? Making anymore of it and it will be too obvious... KSS more and ctrl of urself..

Final Fantasy - The truth

2010-09-11T20:00:00.001+08:00

Reactivated my Facebook account

2010-09-11T19:17:00.001+08:00

Reactivated my FB account few minutes ago but hide all irrelevant things to me, KSS alot, more than I can count today ...

4th day morning...

2010-09-11T09:13:00.002+08:00

Kinda regret to open my email today... though i purposely deactivated my Facebook account, guess that was not enough. There are still a lot of other existing website like friendster, hi5 and so on that sent me birthday reminder...

KSS MALCX!!!!

Night of 3rd day...

2010-09-11T02:17:00.003+08:00

Received a sms from someone... and I have to remind myself to KSS again... Even though she only sms me after midnight... which means, before she sleep... it made me happy but I know I shouldn't anymore as I have to uphold my principle... KSS!! Friends and activities partner are all that I pursue!!!

Don't Thing of Anything Malcx!!, Just KSS!!!

Day 3...

2010-09-11T00:25:00.003+08:00

Well, during my day out today with my colleagues Lemon, her mom, Swee Ling, William and Thomas(used to call himself Ivan/Wayne), there were around 4 times I KSS... Just now, add together at my house playing mah jong with William and Thomas got another time, suppose to be around 8-9 times I KSS today...

Today after movie, Resident Evil: Afterlife with them, we head out for dinner at Wong Kok. It was the 1st time I been told that my walking style like a GAY LOU!!!, Normally, people only said like catwalk but Lemon told me I walk like a GAY LOU!! OMG!!!.. The movie was so so but after all, it was resident evil, so should be good ^^.

Tomorrow will have another day out to prevent myself from being alone. Also, able to date another person out for dinner on coming Wednesday ^^. It's good to have activities partner. As I don't ever think that I will find any lover anytime. I'm still deeply hurt by her choice...

On the 3rd day morning....

2010-09-10T10:34:00.001+08:00

Even in the morning... I already KSS for 3 times... lol... And even tears come out...

The second day....

2010-09-10T10:13:00.002+08:00

Well, yesterday was a hectic day. All my colleagues wanted to go back early. Some said need to go back hometown, some need to catch flight and etc. It was overall a busy day. Yet I still have time to remind myself of KSS for 5 times... There are certain things that reminded me of it...

Anyhow, yesterday was also another rare day when I received a rare invitation. And of cause I accepted the invitation since this rare person asked us to go out. As for me, a friend is always friends. Just that from 3 days ago, i made a decision to not to anymore to certain someone...

Apart from that, due to some unknown reason, I'm having extreme headache since last night till now on the right side of my brain. Headache, headache... could it be migraine?? Guess I have to resort to medicine...

Day 1

2010-09-08T23:00:00.002+08:00

Today was the 1st day after i said it out... I will always remind myself of KSS from now on whenever i think of or reminded of... I don't know how many time have I reminded myself of KSS today. Even just now, a friend of mine somehow made me think of it... This god prank is really something... Im ended up drinking red wine again, plus i will be drinking my whiskeys soon... 1 chivas 12 and chivas 18 on the way back ^^... I just hope that I wouldn't end up as an alcoholic before I no need to remind myself of KSS...

A day a major decision is made...

2010-09-05T20:16:00.002+08:00

Today I made a major decision in my life I think I ever made... I throw away almost all of my comic books, deactivated Facebook, and going to change my mobile number soon. The most major decision I ever made is... I deleted it. Within this week, none of it will be remain. All need to be gone. I know is extremely hurt and pain for my heart but decision had been made. With this, hope that a new path will open for me, a path that I dream for, a no worries path....

My wrist is still experiencing pain from the fall down yesterday and as expected, my leg got bruises... After all, I guessed is not worth it for me to be that good of a guy...

My heart ache and sorrow be by my side. The uncomfortable feelings are indescribable... But I will bear with this feelings and I will.

This blog will be my last place of putting in my experiences and memories, I will not share it out verbally anymore. Will keep on practicing "Keep it, Seal it and Shut it"...

The song that touch my heart deeply...

2010-08-31T21:59:00.001+08:00

Feel so sad...

2010-08-21T19:49:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling so damn sad here... not because of my relationship problem but is because I've been left alone by my soulmate... she said that she will be my soulmate and always be... yet now she left me... she ignore me... Losing someone I love is really painful... now even losing my soulmate... I dunno how to describe my feeling here... will I end up in hospital tonight? I wonder...

Can i?

2010-08-17T22:10:00.004+08:00

Today morning i fetch my dad to breakfast and then head to hospital. I tot that it was a full check up but who knows it was only to take my dad blood for test so that they can generate out a report for next week appointment with the doc. After that, i went back home and FB awhile. Then head out with certain someone. Hang out with her, i feel good and happy ^^ Accompany her bought a dress today, she said will be wear on her birthday. I'm sure she will be the spotlight that that even though she is not the birthday girl. Cause that dress and her, really match, it make her look beautiful. I wish that, I can have such time and moment with my future GF too...

On the other hand, within my heart, there are words that I wish to speak out but I know is not the right time to tell. Someone will feel hurt if I do. I wish that I can be like that man... withstand and withhold all the emotion and feeling deep within himself Bear all the suffer and pain alone inside his heart. I really wish I can be like him. Though I wish for happiness but yet... time is not right. Is as my friend Xiao Hui said, in a relationship, "timing" is really important. "Timing" play a big role... I can only wish for that certain someone to reach her happiness, truly and sincerely...

Reminiscence

2010-08-17T07:04:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, i did a stupid thing where i wish for luck, I just hope that miracle would happened but as we all know, it doesn't happen so occasionally... if not, it would not be call a miracle... Well, one should bear the consequences for his/her own action, so do I. I will go on...

Yesterday, I woke up quiet late as I drank some red wine before sleep. I've not been drinking for quiet awhile. The taste of this season red wine is simply the best >.<
And thus, i woke up late =p Then i continue to watch korean drama named "You're beautiful". It's about a girl pretending to be her twin brother to participate in a live band. She been found out easily but didn't being kick out ^^. The love story start from there... Watch it yourselves ya ^^ I watch 10 episodes in a row on my bed. Kinda resting good, just lack of sleep ^^ Then I received a call and it made me remember that i wanted to watch a Thai movie named "Best of Time". I invited Wayne to join in but he seem unable to go out at night recently >.< Thus I ended up going alone like usual. Before I depart, I received another call and we chat for roughly 20 minutes. When we hang up, I realized time really did flies... It's already 7:05pm and the movie time is 7:30pm. OMG!!! That time sure is a hell of JAM in Bukit Bintang area so i decided to just run there as my previous record was 30 minutes to reach Pavilion at my house. And WOW, i break my own record!! ^^ I reach the cinema at 7:25pm. I ran to there in the rain, I realized I over did it when I stop to wait for the traffic to turn green... I almost collapse on the road. Thanks to the lamp post there, I actually fall on it... I can't imagine what will happen if I fall on the road and then car come "BANG"... End of story >.<.
Well, after realizing that, I slowdown my pace a little and I still reach there at 7:25pm. Though I almost die, but the movie really worth it!! I just scare that I might miss the chance to watch it as International movie wont't last long. The movie, was GREAT!!!
By the time I get home, the rain stopped. Like usual, I walked back and take a bath since I was all WET >.< but dry already in the cinema, LOL. Then FB for awhile and video call with someone. We chat happily ^^ Too bad i can't stay for long as now i need to take bath and fetch my Dad to hospital for checkup. So without wasting time anymore, until next time, CYAZ

Will write a more private blog from now

2010-01-07T23:27:00.001+08:00

As stated above, i will now write a more private blog. this will be a memory...

I've pass the point of no return...

2009-10-04T22:05:00.005+08:00

I've pass the point of no return today... I wanted to describe it throughly but yet i don't think I can... There are alot of things i would like to tell out, to be even shout out but i know... I can't. It can only be bury deep inside my heart... or maybe even my soul... I used to have a soulmate which I can tell and share with... But I vetray her... which add in another case in my regret book. I will wait and see, let time pass and see what I can do...

I'll never be happy

2009-05-06T21:05:00.003+08:00

As the sinner, Malcx... I will never be happy... Met my new beginning of life with a girl that i loved... When we were almost together... found out that she actually has a boyfriend... My principle is that i won't be a 3rd party in a relationship... Even though i know i love her... I told her to decide on her own who she want to be with, I'll wait for her no matter is a day, a week, a month or even a year... That was yesterday night... And after that i knew she was hurt... Caused i told her to find me when she ready... Today, she told me she break up with her bf... but i'm just a friend of her... This is what made me sad... extreme sad... I guessed as a sinner... I won't find any happiness...

Thus, i developing a new bad hobby... Now i smoke... will probably indulge myself into other bad things that those who knew me didn't imagine of... All was to punish myself, a sinner...

A word of advice... Dun get too close with me... Just afraid to dag u along when something bad happen... Stay away or u may get hurt.

In Love

2009-05-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

Got alot to tell but will only said it all out when all become true ^^

A New Beginning !!

2009-04-29T20:51:00.003+08:00

After today, it's a new beginning for me ^^.
Yesterday night I drank till drunk, 1st time for me ><. Morning when I woke up, feeling what it's called to be hang over ><. Yet, I was able to went out all the way to meet miss starry moon and have lunch with her at auntie sam. After that, I went to klcc to take a form then to puchong IOI to meet miss rose but unfortunately, due to I not familiar with the road, I got lost ><. Paid 4 tols as the consequences and heavy rain fall upon me... Thus the feeling of fade up arose. I went back to kl (since 3 of the tols were on the way back to kl 1 after I miss a junction ><). Since it's raining, I stopped by at BTS to buy something for miss starry moon. Then went for a movie, Paul Blart - Mall Cop. Yes, I'm watching alone again as usual ^^. The movie was not as hilarious as I think but it's considered funny ^^. Then I headed to wangsa maju Jusco to passed the form to Win Win. Got lost again on the way but reached in the end ><. Planned to have dinner together with him and his gf but after a guy talk with Win Win, I don't think it's suitable for me to have dinner with them and thus, I tried to called up Miss Yun and Yi Yi to join me eat but Miss Yun said she's not feeling well and Yi Yi went back to Bidor already :(. End up I ate alone at OLD TOWN located at the 2nd floor of Jusco.

Received a called from John on the way to eat and talked about the training courses and some job related tasks. Will be meeting up with my Head Office Officer Batch for 2nd level of training on 11th of May 2009. This time, Paulsen and Raymond will not be around with us as they shifted department and some others resigned due to location problems.

Went back home was easier than I thought. Realize I took a wrong turn on the way there while on the way home. What were my feelings after I left the burden? Felt light and easy plus I'm missing miss starry moon now ><. No need to keep any promised made with her before anymore, can eat and drink back my favourite FISH, BEEF and SODA drinks ^^. I realized that without FISH, my eye sight worsening and can't satisfy my desire (cat need fish ><), without BEEF, my body temperature drop and not warm enough as before (my heat generating palm not functioning ><) and without the SODA drinks, felt hard to freshen up my tongue and mouth >< (though a kiss may do but don't think anyone will give me any yet ><, hope miss starry moon will in the future ><).

Thinking of going out again thus I called up Mr. P but he seem to be attending customer and said will call me back later... half an hour gone... still no reply... guess he forget ><.

Sincerely wishing Ms Charlene to be happy always and Mr Edwin to lower down his hostility towards me so that we can become friends like before ^^. Hope that miss starry moon will have a good night sleep tonight. Sweet Dreams my friends. Thats all for now folks. Catch up with me again next time ^^.

Its Weekend!!

2009-04-17T20:09:00.002+08:00

It's weekend and it's time to have some fun, YEAH!~!~~!~!

But since i'm a plain boring person, I will end up my self in either cinema watching movie or gone to my friend place to help him work as usual ><. Don't know where will I end up at tonight. LOL. But 1 thing that i sure know is that I'm MISSING her!!!!

Cyaz guys, update u guys more on where i go laterz

Malcolm is Mr Sadness

2009-04-15T18:37:00.001+08:00

Today i lost my most important person in my life... Last year this month, i lost my love of my life, and now i lost another person that affect my life the most... Sadness will not leave me... as I'm Mr sadness...

Special Moment

2009-04-12T07:06:00.006+08:00

Here are some of the special moment taken during my uni time. Enjoy ^^

Yeah!, I scored a STRIKE!!

What are You looking at?

Look again and I'll stab you :p

Pls, I'm sorry ~~

Secretly texting while in class to spread news :p

What!!

Silly Face 1

Silly Face 2

Silly Face 3

Special moment picture!! The STORM AND CLOUD!!

Yeah, it's end here babe

Sweet Dreamzzz

2009-04-08T23:14:00.004+08:00

As promise from my previous blog, here are the pictures of those in sweet dreams that i took long time ago during my life as a Uni students. Hope you all dun be angry ya ><

Memorable Photo's Found...

2009-04-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

Today, when I thought of taking back some catz pictures out to transfer it to my phone from my old phone, I found some others memorable photo's that almost have been forgotten... They are all my precious memories and treasure I took while in my Uni life. I will post it all tomorrow so that those involved may shared along those precious forgotten memories together ^^. This was the happy side of it...

Everything goes in a circle, when there are happy, there will be sad, positive and negative. The negative side that I found along with the photos is the sweet memories of me and her... which is my regrettable past. It almost made the sentimental me cry but in the end I manage to control... Those pictures were indeed precious memories of her being with me which is now gone from lover to just a normal friend... I blame myself for this and I didn't think I can forgive myself for this sin... Whatever is it, is over, I know ^^. So I'll be cheering up yet not forgiving myself forever.

Inside the phone, there were also some of the smses that she sent to me before, it's so sweet and memorable... which were my happy past yet my sad present...

For all my friends, pls do appreciate those you care. DO NOT end up like me...

I'm already trying my best to moved on... yet there was some feeling of uncomfortable surrounding me these few days with the day coming along... 22 more days to go before everything ends... At last I cried while typing this, LOL... Still a sentimental me...

Cat that go along,
Somewhere far apart,
Living in the lonely world of sadness.

Searching all along,
Looking everywhere,
Just to find some happiness smile again.

All the works that done,
Ends up in the air,
Hurts and sadness are those that i can found.

Living all alone,
In this cruelty world,
Where there is no second chance for those wrong...

I've done wrong once and there will never be given another chance for me to atone it. This was the second things in my life that I ever regretted.

Sunday is a nice day...

2009-03-23T06:07:00.000+08:00

Well, like the usual me. Sunday morning around 11 will go to have breakfast + lunch with my dad. But the different things are that today I woke up at around 9 and smses with my dear but in the middle, I slept back. And woke up again around 10:30am... Due to my late of reply, she end up went out having lunch with her sis and not me... I missed opportunity to be with her ><

As the day went on, after finished eat with daddy, I went back home to watch animation then go and find my friend "seng". Went to his house to grab few things about PSP (games, cheats, guide) and some movie (autopsy, pathology, and the librarian: curse of the Judas chalice) then went back home after some chit chat with him.

On the way home, I went to buy some fruits from the fruit stall uncle (which was my friend's dad) along with a "char kuey teow" to eat as my lunch. It was around 2:30pm at that moment. I reached home and started to watch the autopsy (a thriller movie about a group of teenager met an accident and being brought to a hospital which will be their nightmare where the doctor and staffs there are using their organs for certain functions) and half way of the librarian. Then time is up for me. It's my Sunday evening swimming time ^^.

My routine on Sunday will normally be 6pm go swimming if nothing much happen. My company will be as usual, Patrick and Jason. I manage to swim 2 whole lap now (I’m not a good swimmer but at least I won't drown ><). Patrick and Jason were good swimmer, far better than me. Got to train hard to match them ^^. And here comes the good part...

We went to a place ... I forget what's the restaurant name but it's located somewhere at pandan jaya. It's a Thai style restaurant which looks like a Chinese store. We order crab, lala, tom yam soup, fried rice, "yau char kuey" that eat with kaya and a veggie. The tastes of the food were delicious ^^. I ate till very happy. It was a nice day. Then we separated and went back home. On the way home, Patrick said his monitor got problem, he put his resolution too high until his monitor can't support and shown "out of range". Thus, we brought the pc to my friend "seng" house to let his brother have a look on it while I take my cable (a 5-pin USB cable for PSP) which I ordered with his bro this noon.

After an hour, can't fix his pc problem. So we end up going back home empty handed (except me as I got my cable ><). And when I got back home, no one at home... All went out to cheras yew lek old town white coffee... Then I realize... my mom kena lottery again... Since it’s late (around 11:30) so I end up didn't go. Instead, I was writing this blog here now ^^.

Throughout the day, I got smses some of my friend and one of it was my dear. I even tried to call since I know she was free (watching TV at home) yet, I was unable to contact her. Even smses also no reply. I attempted to call her again at other times (after I reach the pool, and after I finished swim and finished eat) yet she no answered and no reply at my smses... Well, it's often for her to ignore me which I think I gotten used to it already. Unexpectedly, when I sms her again at 11:45pm to greet her good night, she replied... I guess a special friend relationship with her does not mean much to her since she can choose to ignore me even I just wanted to require some information... Kinda felt "sam tam" from time to time. But what to do, she is my dear, the only dear. I'm a man of my word, what promised is a promise.

That’s all for now folks, good night and sweet dreamz to my friends. NiTeZ ^^

Watching movie...

2009-03-22T11:17:00.003+08:00

Yesterday evening, i went out to time square borders and read book. By Dale Carnagie. It was a nice book. Then i went to marathon movie, watchmen and marley & me from 8:30pm until 1:30am. Smsed a person to join me but no reply so i went ahead and watched alone like usual. The movie were not that bad, the plot were ok. The weird thing that occurred to me was that i ain't goin to even have teary eyes when marley die where uually i would since i'm a sentimental person... LOL. Didn't even think of that.

On my way back home, which i choose to walk rather than drive, i felt that the darkness bring me fear and yet a comfort feeling generated out of the fear... Lonesome night sometimes is good... I did tried to smsed out and see who were out there still awake at that hour and only SP replied. She were having frinks with her friends, thus I ain't goin to disturb her. Met with Garry and Patrick on my way back, thus joined them for a mamak eat out for awhile before went back home.

Reached home around 2:40am, then without open the light, felt the darkness around me while i lie down on the floor for about an hour... Then woke up and went on sleep back on my bed...

Awake in the morning by sms from my dear, asking me if got anything that i smsed her yesterday night. Replied her with "i'm ok after rest" and then she invited me to have lunch with her later. But due to I'm still quite sleepy, i replied her late. She end up went on out with her sister. And I'm alone again, due to the sleepy me.

Life was like that... Probably will go for movie again later... depends....

Life of Leo's continue...

2009-03-15T01:15:00.002+08:00

Yesterday went to Aloha to help my friend while have some fun myself. Instead, witness how horrible is it a woman can be when she drunk + being accused of things she didn't admit of. It open my eyes. The purpose i went there at 1st is to calm down my feeling by drinking alcohol due to me emotional sadness after heard of certain things... Even now i also feel a bit sad... But i know i should be happy as long as she is happy. So i will try my best to be happy as i know she happy. I really dunno whether i can be happy or not, could i really be? should I? I really don't know... What i know was that I still have heart for her... To make myself happy, or better say, to pretend to be happy is easy but can i really do it? This pretend happy thing... I guess I'll not achieve true happiness anymore... Loving someone too deep sure is painful... I will try my best to be happy even i have to pretend it my whole life. It still hurts when i thinking back of the things going to happen... emotional sadness can't be avoid yet i have to be happy at the same time cause she happy... Will i be able to do it? Am i strong enough to? Malcolm... be strong...

Friends in My Life...

2009-03-09T23:33:00.002+08:00

Those who knew me will know that I put friends at a very high level in my life. Friends were very important to me. But during these few days especially today, there were total of 3 friends that going to decrease their level and might leave me... I really couldn't withhold the triple hurt i experienced. It's very sad. One was my dear, one was my ex and one was my friend. All three of them were having a good friendship with me until these few days... Some were from best friend to just friend, some from friend to nothing. One neglected me and enjoyed herself. Life s*cks when it come to losing friends for me.
Felt really down and sad here... If tomorrow no need to work, I'm sure I'll get drunk tonight. Anyhow, I know I have to move on no matter what happened. Guessed that was my punishment given by god. I used to lose 1 important friend... It's really hurt... Now 3... I really hope I can cope with it...

Attcked by Past Memories...

2009-03-04T22:15:00.002+08:00

I've been attacked by my past memories these few days. It made me unable to concentrate on works and unable to focus on my life. I really didn't felt happy or cheerful these few days. Just now I read back the sms-es that she sent to me before. I already felt extremely sad when i read the 1st message... And tears started to flow even though I was at public place... After reached home, i put on courage to read all of it. Which lead to me crying... I understand that everything was past. And there is something that can’t be undone… I respect her decision…

Well, I will try my best to be cheerful back. ^^. Just hope that less and less attack will be made.

Apart from being attacked by past memories, my life weren’t happy at all these few days due to other factors. One of them was my attempt to move on. Others due to friendship problems and my character/personality problems…

It is hard enough even though I want to have a peaceful and cheerful life…

Loving is Hurting

2009-02-24T23:27:00.002+08:00

As my previous blog said, I’m going to take action. But after today, i guess i really can't move on like others do. I didn't dare to put out my heart again. I already feel the pain and hurted even when i open my door to let my heart feels the sunshine. Living in darkness is more suitable for me. Really loving someone truly will make yourselves hurt. When realize someone I truly love, it's too late for me... Loving is Hurting for me. I vow not to love anymore to prevent any unnecessary pain or hurt till the day god forgives me and never play a fool with me again.

My Driving Life...

2009-02-23T01:09:00.002+08:00

Well, to be frank with those read my blog, this is the 3rd or 4th times i drived my car. Still very nervous and "sei for" for sometimes. But from time to time, i gradually feeling better. Manage to drive it safely at the least though my friend scold me drive too fast especially Patrick, he said if i drive fast like this, he might have heart attack ><><.

I drove to somewhere near the "maktab tentera diraja" then go to sg long with Patrick companion at 1st. Then he drove other car while on the way back. Left me drove alone. But everything went well. He also compliment me good at following others car. Felt happy caused got compliment but still in the end, very nervous. Need to drive more before i dare to fetch my girl (if i have one -_-)

Then we ended up ate steamboat at ketam and lastly we went "back to home" cafe (Fun OK Cafe). Which can be translate at go back home cafe. Fetch Eric back to ketam there for his car then i drove back home and parked it. HOME SAFELY ^^

To my surprise, my dad stay awake until i reached home only he went to sleep. Some more, there were some of his apprentice accompanied him waited for me to reach. I felt guilty to go home late. That time was 1pm...

As to my private social life. I've been name as "playboy"... i felt sad and hate myself. I unconsciously changed into a "playboy" just to make myself being happy whereby i disturb all the girls that i met. After being told that, i stop my behavior now and go back to my sad self... Faking myself to be happy will bring negative images to self. Maybe my ways were wrong but i really hate to be called "playboy" caused i didn't want to end up like my cousins, dad, uncle and grandpa... My bloodline all this while were playing around with gals... I really didn't want to end up like them.

I really didn't want to break the promise i made with her even though that promised were made when i still being with her, as her bf, that i will love her forever. Even after she found a new bf and moved on. I still want to keep this promise... I know i'm stupid all this while...

I'm a person that hunger for companion and love. Being alone made me sick and sad. I'm planning to break the promise as she clearly chosen him over me... didn't really care about me as her friend anymore. The feeling of hurt and sadness were very extreme... But i know i've to move on somehow... Accepting the facts and moving on now as I believed there is someone that managed to move my heart...

Thats all for now folks.
Good night and have a sweet dreams ya ^^

Valentine's Day on 2009

2009-02-15T10:16:00.004+08:00

This year valentine's, i couldn't spent it with her anymore... as she has decided to spent it with another person and not me. Though i felt very sad but in the end, i spent it with my dear god-sister in the morning till noon and on noon, i got to spent my time with chris and joyce. Eric and Patrick come after i met them up. They were late. We (chris, joyce and me) went to eat sushi king. Both of them were eating happily but not me... I don't know why i couldn't get back the happy feeling when i eat sushi anymore. The feeling was not there anymore. There might be 2 factor for this, 1st is because she is not with me anymore and the 2nd, i couldn't eat my favourite fish ><. Well, all in all i still manage to fill up my stomach with tempura, kappa maki, chawanmushi and a cha soba. It's still better to eat at sakae sushi where it have tenzaru soba (don't know spell it right or not). My life is changing, that what i were sure of. (Eric come after we finished eat). Then we went to hunt my presents. It takes some times and i hope she like it. I bought it for someone who still care about me from her heart and didn't lie to me. To my special friend, my dear Venise. I wish her have a wonderful and unforgettable Valentine's with her boyfriend.
We went for a movie after that. We watched Valkyrie which the ticket seller told me is an action movie but instead it was some art and historical movie which words were more than action. Some of my friend were not keen to watch this kinda movie... I felt bad that i chosen then wrong movie -_-"...
Anyhow, whats make this years valentine's so special was that we discover something which most of the time only heard from fairy tales or some fantasy like drama/movie. Eric and Joyce were actually relatives to each other ><. They met when they were still very young to each others, growing up in the same community and seperated around the ages of 7 or 8. Living their own life and now, on this wonderful day, they discovered each others back. After around 15 years, they were brought back together by fate (which in this case might be chris and me ^^). How their story will go on depends on them now ^^. Becoming a best friend? Who knows ^^.
Another great things about today was that i didn't touch any alcohol which i thought i would probably drink till drunk. It might symbolize a good start for me... since now malcx has gone...

Signed, Celosse

The Journey Continue...

2008-10-16T20:56:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i last blogged... I really thought that i will be gone from this world as i attempt to suicicde before, Just that i still manage to wake up in the next morning which made my attempt to suicde failed. Well here i'm now to continue on with my blog.

My life is been a suffering life as usual as i couldn't forget about my love one... though it is almost half years now. I still in grief about losing her... I'm still punishing myslf from time to time and alcohol had become one of my close friend now... Though i cant drink alot but i almost drink 1 or 2 cup every night to make myself sober so that i can go to sleep easier rather than continue to think think think and think.

I'm quite lucky for me to enter public bank and work over there now. It's just located within the walking distance which is the Changkat Tambi Dollah branch. I know most of u haven't have an idea where is it. ^^ It is just located behind Times Square and some where near Eu Yan Sang headquarter. Working in there as a graduate trainee in banking operation @ senior operation officer. Nth much to do as the job description. Just signed cheques everyday and confirming cheques right now. And recently, like usual, i found myself unable to concentrate on my work already as i get used to it... My concentration fall into the memory of being together with her... Which make me feels so down... Luckily i still manage to control my working performance. Today, though i'm extremely down but i didn't do any mistake ^^.

Day by day passes by but i still couldn't forget about her... which made me more grieved everyday. Been crying alot... And i'm not ashamed to tell out that i do cried every night before i sleep and when i wake up everyday since September 11...

And now after alot of consultation with my friends and colleagues, I've choosen a new path which i never thought of before. As it is contradicted to my principle but since i really couldn't forget about her... It is time for me to make some action... If not, i really will be regreting over it my whole life as i afraid i will be waiting here patiently, loving her one sided till she marry another person. I will make some action from now one. I belive one should go after what they wish for when they still can and not just sit and wait. As nth will happen as u just sit and wait without doing anything.

My new path will begin this coming saturday 18th of October 2008. A new legacy will born from me... Though i know my chances aren't high... I'll still pursue what i think is right for me to do so that i won't feel more regret than whatever i'm having now. As i have made a vow that i will love her forever, i will keep that till my last breath no matter what happened. Worst case, i will stay single for my life with my one sided love...

Love... really have changed my life alot... Becoming more matured in thinking and behavior... I have cure myself from my self injured... but the effect from my previous self injured still affecting me till now though it have been 3 months... And currently, my appendix wound which should be alright started to attack me again... The pain is undescribable... Somehow... i feel happy that i'm in such a condition as i believe it is a good punishment for me. Somepart of me... would like to be gone from this world... As i have been dreaming about suicide recently and been thinking about it too... I knowit is a warning signs... But i will try my best to avoid from doin it as i know there are still people that cares for me...

Thats all for now folks, I will continue to blog again when i have free time and new news. (If i'm still alive by then...)

10 Benefits of Rising Early, and How to Do It

2008-09-05T13:07:00.002+08:00

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” - Ben Franklin, famously
“Put no trust in the benefits to accrue from early rising, as set forth by the infatuated Franklin …” - Mark Twain

1. Greet the day. I love being able to get up, and greet a wonderful new day. I suggest creating a morning ritual that includes saying thanks for your blessings. I’m inspired by the Dalai Lama, who said, ” Everyday, think as you wake up, ‘today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.’ “
2. Amazing start. I used to start my day by jumping out of bed, late as usual, and rushing to get myself and the kids ready, and rushing to drop them to school and come in to work late. I would walk into work, looking rumpled and barely awake, grumpy and behind everyone else. Not a great start to your day. Now, I have a renewing morning ritual, I’ve gotten so much done before 8 a.m., my kids are early and so am I, and by the time everyone else gets in to work, I’ve already gotten a head start. There is no better way to start off your day than to wake early, in my experience.
3. Quietude. No kids yelling, no babies crying, no soccer balls, no cars, no television noise. The early morning hours are so peaceful, so quiet. It’s my favorite time of day. I truly enjoy that time of peace, that time to myself, when I can think, when I can read, when I can breathe.
4. Sunrise. People who wake late miss one of the greatest feats of nature, repeated in full stereovision each and every day — the rise of the sun. I love how the day slowly gets brighter, when the midnight blue turns to lighter blue, when the brilliant colors start to seep into the sky, when nature is painted in incredible colors. I like doing my early morning run during this time, and I look up at the sky as I run and say to the world, “What a glorious day!” Really. I really do that. Corny, I know.
5. Breakfast. Rise early and you actually have time for breakfast. I’m told it’s one of the most important meals of the day. Without breakfast, your body is running on fumes until you are so hungry at lunchtime that you eat whatever unhealthy thing you can find. The fattier and sugarier, the betterier. But eat breakfast, and you are sated until later. Plus, eating breakfast while reading my book and drinking my coffee in the quiet of the morning is eminently more enjoyable than scarfing something down on the way to work, or at your desk.
6. Exercise. There are other times to exercise besides the early morning, of course, but I’ve found that while exercising right after work is also very enjoyable, it’s also liable to be canceled because of other things that come up. Morning exercise is virtually never canceled.
7. Productivity. Mornings, for me at least, are the most productive time of day. I like to do some writing in the morning, when there are no distractions, before I check my email or blog stats. I get so much more done by starting on my work in the morning. Then, when evening rolls around, I have no work that I need to do, and I can spend it with family.
8. Goal time. Got goals? Well, you should. And there’s no better time to review them and plan for them and do your goal tasks than first thing. You should have one goal that you want to accomplish this week. And every morning, you should decide what one thing you can do today to move yourself further towards that goal. And then, if possible, do that first thing in the morning.
9. Commute. No one likes rush-hour traffic, except for Big Oil. Commute early, and the traffic is much lighter, and you get to work faster, and thus save yourself more time. Or better yet, commute by bike. (Or even better yet, work from home.)
10. Appointments. It’s much easier to make those early appointments on time if you get up early. Showing up late for those appointments is a bad signal to the person you’re meeting. Showing up early will impress them. Plus, you get time to prepare.

How to Become an Early Riser
* Don’t make drastic changes. Start slowly, by waking just 15-30 minutes earlier than usual. Get used to this for a few days. Then cut back another 15 minutes. Do this gradually until you get to your goal time.
* Allow yourself to sleep earlier. You might be used to staying up late, perhaps watching TV or surfing the Internet. But if you continue this habit, while trying to get up earlier, sooner or later one is going to give. And if it is the early rising that gives, then you will crash and sleep late and have to start over. I suggest going to bed earlier, even if you don’t think you’ll sleep, and read while in bed. If you’re really tired, you just might fall asleep much sooner than you think.
* Put your alarm clock far from you bed. If it’s right next to your bed, you’ll shut it off or hit snooze. Never hit snooze. If it’s far from your bed, you have to get up out of bed to shut it off. By then, you’re up. Now you just have to stay up.
* Go out of the bedroom as soon as you shut off the alarm. Don’t allow yourself to rationalize going back to bed. Just force yourself to go out of the room. My habit is to stumble into the bathroom and go pee. By the time I’ve done that, and flushed the toilet and washed my hands and looked at my ugly mug in the mirror, I’m awake enough to face the day.
* Do not rationalize. If you allow your brain to talk you out of getting up early, you’ll never do it. Don’t make getting back in bed an option.
* Have a good reason. Set something to do early in the morning that’s important. This reason will motivate you to get up. I like to write in the morning, so that’s my reason. Also, when I’m done with that, I like to read all of your comments!
* Make waking up early a reward. Yes, it might seem at first that you’re forcing yourself to do something hard, but if you make it pleasurable, soon you will look forward to waking up early. A good reward is to make a hot cup of coffee or tea and read a book. Other rewards might be a tasty treat for breakfast (smoothies! yum!) or watching the sunrise, or meditating. Find something that’s pleasurable for you, and allow yourself to do it as part of your morning routine.
* Take advantage of all that extra time. Don’t wake up an hour or two early just to read your blogs, unless that’s a major goal of yours. Don’t wake up early and waste that extra time. Get a jump start on your day! I like to use that time to get a head start on preparing my kids’ lunches, on planning for the rest of the day (when I set my MITs), on exercising or meditating, and on reading. By the time 6:30 rolls around, I’ve done more than many people do the entire day.

Thanks to : Leo B. a free-lance writer ( uncopyright article )

I regret nothing...

2008-08-25T10:22:00.002+08:00

Not the times I broke you down
Not the times someone broke me down
Not the times I loved and lost
Not love or all it's costsI do not regret losing friends
I do not regret making enemies
I do not regret losing touch
I do not regret the time I've wasted
I will not learn to regret
Time in regret is time not well spent.....
I don't regret you
I don't regret any of you
I don't regret choices you have made that have hurt me so badly
I don't regret the lack of remorse you have shown at times
I don't regret the times I lost faith in my life
I don't regret the times that I felt that I could spend the rest of my life with you
I don't regret the times that you told me to tell you I loved you
I won't regret the cold shoulders you gave me
I won't regret the times you never called back
I won't regret the times you never wrote back
I won't regret the thousands upon thousands of words in emails I wrote
I refuse to regret the fact that my mind isn't ready to drop you
I refuse to regret the moment where I'm going to turn away from you
I have lived a life of regrets,
I have felt the burden of regret for too long
I have been a part of life's pointless competition...
This world where we care more about making it than we do about our friends making it
This world where people claim love but clearly don't know what the fuck it is
This world where people break one another down while smiling in each other's face
This world where you will no longer see me filled with regrets
This world where you will be reading my blog ...
The blog that says you know where I am if you need me...

Ghost Festivals

2008-08-14T21:55:00.001+08:00

Today is lunar calendar july 14th which is the ghost festival day... and i will be joining them to be a ghost...

Working also think of her...

2008-07-29T21:49:00.002+08:00

Today is the second day of my work... My work require me to smile alot but i felt it very hard for me to smile it out. Being scold by my senior quite a numbers of time because not enough of smile. But how can i smile... its very hard... Even working.. i'm thinking of her... Though i'm quite busy with my works, i dunno why my mind still have her with me.... I totally cant forget about her every moment... have watery eyes today while working cause i saw a lovely couple where they very close with each others... It reminds me of her... our time together then the water came out... I control myself on time... thus no tears came out but it's very hard for me to continue on to smile. The job is nice and have a bright prospect but i dunno i manage to do it well or not with the feeling i'm having... Reach home around 9:30pm today... my work takes out most of my time... I tot that i can forget and not think about her with my works but it seem totally different... i think of her even more. If being continue to scold not enough smile, i guess i will get fire soon... My life now is really painful than death... Luckily, i only need to suffer and bear with the pain 26 hours more and i can totally rest in peace. Those that want to say anything to me or I owe them anything, do call me up before it is too late. Take care all my friends...

Rather die then survive

2008-07-29T05:32:00.002+08:00

I never thought that survive and continue to live on will be such painful. Its 1000% more painful than death right now. Everyday after work, that feeling will come and visit me... Suffering every night... looking for her to share but i guess she is not that interested in my story anymore. As i'm continue to plan going off after i think that it is very suffering to continue on. Most Probably my blog end right here right now. Everyone around me were lying to me, including her. For what i kept what i said then? Till now, there are 40 hours left before i go. If there is anything one who i owe them anything. Pls contact me to get it back now or it will be too late. For those who cares for me. I'm very very thanks but i decided. I know i will disappoint you all but the feeling right now is very painful. Very much painful than before and thus i made such decision. This will be the end of it. Thx and sorry... Farewell and good bye

My heart...

2008-07-24T23:36:00.002+08:00

Tonight, i'm going to conclude that my birthday this year will be different from last 2 years where i will be spending it alone and not with her... This day will be the day i wont forget in my life. And today was also the day i felt a spiritual feeling of "losing". And after that, came with serious pain in my heart... I guess i have to learn to control my emotion well... if not it will continue to hurt... it's very pain even while i'm typing this out. I guess the hardest day for me to pass in this years will be my coming birthday which i had to spent it alone... And "alone", the feeling i afraid of the most have came back to me... It's very hard to control my emotion with such pain in heart and the feeling of alone... Will i be able to live till christmas this year? My heart is really in pain...

Realize...

2008-07-24T02:42:00.001+08:00

Realize something today... I'm very happy seeing her smile like that today...

MAKING A BABY (Very funny jokes)

2008-07-23T17:32:00.003+08:00

This jokes i got it from my multiply. Just tot of sharing it here ^^

MAKING A BABY There is not one dirty word in it.....
The Smiths were unable to conceive and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" [Hide Quoted Text]
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that. [Hide Quoted Text]
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look".
Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted .......

Birthday...

2008-07-23T17:25:00.000+08:00

My birthday is just around the corner... I still not confirm whether i will be celebrating it alone this year or not... Hoping for miracle to happen here...23 years old birthday, once past, there will not be another 23rd birthday anymore...

2008-07-22T23:35:00.001+08:00

I'm missing her badly...

2008-07-22T01:10:00.003+08:00

Today i have told her about my feelings, views, and all about myself to her. I hope she can understand me better this way and have a happier life without thinking me as her burden. I hope and wish that she will give in some thought on what I had said to her. Here is a phrase that i found in other blog. I find it very true.

"Past is something that cant be change and we have to accept it to move on. Our love story before may not be good but we have to accept it and move on.
Future is something unpredictable as who knows what will happen the seconds after. Thinking too far into the future of our love will only make ourself miserable. Afraid that choosing the wrong partner to love, afraid of being hurt in the future. All this will only hinder the growth of love. Who knows what will happen in the future.
Present is what we should focus on. Love is something that not everyone have the chances to stumble upon on. Some may find it easily and some may not. So appreciate those around you now. If u think there is a chance for you to fall in love, why not? If you are given the chance to love, accept it. Make a difference in your life today, as you will never know what the outcomes are. It may end up positively or vice versa. Who knows. What matters the most is the present, the feelings of love that we have for each other now.
Don't deny yourself of love, for you'll bring suffering to yourself. You might even regret it, for not taking the "road not taken". You might grunt at yourself, 10 years later, for not choosing the other option. Learn to accept. Learn to love. "

As for me right now, even though i know it's gonna be hard for her to come back to me but my choice is to continue to love her. Who knows what may lies in our future. I won't deny myself of love. I know i did very wrong in my past. I were wrong, very wrong. I sincerely apologize. I'm willing to do anything to repent. I promise that same incidents won't happen again. Please forgive me ting. I LOVE YOU FOREVER TING. When i say "I Love You", i mean it so that we can walk into the future unafraid together, I mean that you're the best thing that happened to me and i know no matter what, I'll keep my promise of love to you ting. I love you.

There are some generalized tips on how to make good and lasting relationship.

2008-07-20T11:21:00.001+08:00

There are some generalized tips on how to make good and lasting relationship.

1 Listen to your beloved.

2 Try to show tolerance and be open-minded. Avoid showing sarcasm and negativity. In general, anything that can cause you a bad mood or her bad mood should be avoided.

3 You should learn to give as well as to take - to give or take is not the answer, only a combination of the two in equal measure.

4 Try to make your partner's parents like you. It is very important for both of you.

5 Learn to give unconditionally. To expect always something in return is the same as paying for something.

6 Avoid being too emotional in your everyday life. It can be especially applied to males. You will have to convince your beloved that you are strong; that you are self-confident; that you know what to do; and that she can rely on your emotional strength to be a help for her.

7 Kindness, understanding, trust and consideration are the keywords in relationships. If you are only trying to derive benefit from these relationships, forget about mutual understanding.

8 In every relationship it is important to be a good and reliable friend. If you are your beloved's understanding friend, she/he will be grateful and rewarding.

9 Don't let anyone treat you abusively. Demand respect.

10 If your relationships are established, you should carry on showing your beloved that you love and appreciate him/her. It is not difficult. You can do this by little things as buying flowers and small presents from time to time.

11 Beware of possessiveness and claiming behavior. Keep in mind that your partner is as independent as you are and should never be treated as an object or possession.

12 Don't let other people push your buttons. Otherwise you won't be able to make any decision by yourself.

13 Learn to adjourn your recompense through patience, trust and understanding.

14 Try to see your partner's point of view. Agree to disagree.

15 Respect your partner's space.

Lipstick in school (funny jokes)

2008-07-20T03:10:00.001+08:00

Lipstick in School (You've got to love this Headmistress)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Newcastle upon Tyne was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the Headmistress decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with themaintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing amajor problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night [you can just imagine the yawns from the little Geordie 'Princesses'). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, sheasked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort wasrequired.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers....

........and then there are educators

~18th July 2008~

2008-07-20T02:43:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i felt really happy. And on this day I'm ^^. Able to be happy again after so long, really cure away my fever. But only happy for 1 day cant cure away my MDD.

Today on 20th July 2008 around 2 something in the morning, I was enlighten by a book entitle "Love is Letting Go of Fear". The book was very nice. It helps me alot. I never regret buying this book ^^. Ting, I love you more and more now ^^

Can't Smile Without You

2008-07-20T02:06:00.002+08:00

Here is the song sang in the movie Hellboy 2, Cant smile without you. I deeply touch by it. Thus, i'm sharing it out with u guys out there with the lyrics together. Let's sing ^^

You know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song

And brightened my day

Who would have believed that you were part of a dream

Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find

Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad

I feel sad when you're sad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile without you

A word of appreciation

2008-07-19T17:24:00.003+08:00

Ting, i would like to say thank you to you for allowing me to know what is life. Thank you ting for letting me know what is happiness. Being with you these 2 years plus let me understand what happiness really means. These 2 years plus will always be the happiest moment i have in my life. Ting, thank you again for letting me know what is sadness. After breaking up with you, i realize that i still love you and tried my best to court you back but you choose not to love me anymore. It let me know what the true meaning of sadness at that moment. Hearing someone you love telling you "i do not love you" makes me realize what is sadness. Thank you ting. Thank you again ting for allowing me to know what is regret. As in my life before, regret never occurred even once. But right now when i lose you, i understand well what is the meaning of regret. Lastly, thank you ting for allowing me to know what life is. You let me know how colourful living in this world were. There are brightness and also darkness. You let me know what is happiness and also what is sadness. Thanks ting for letting me experienced the meaning of life. I never ever regret loving you ting. You taught me alot of things. You taught me to eat healthy food, to clean up and arrange my things in a proper way, taught me what love means and also how hurt is it to hurt your love one. You really teaches me alot of things in my life ting. Thank you. I would like to repay all these to you with my life if can. Thanks again ting, i will always love you.

Movie alone

2008-07-19T17:23:00.001+08:00

Have any one of you there experience going to movie alone? I have numerous experiences on this... The 1st time i went to watch movie alone was to watch "L change the world". Because no ppl would want to company me watch this movie... I ended up watching it alone. The feeling was very sad cause no body around you to share with... Today, i went to watch alone again for the movie "Hellboy 2: The Golden Army". When i 1st seated inside the cinema hall today, i felt like smiling + crying. Then when the movie start, felt better as i concentrated on the movie. But when the movie finish, i felt like want to cry. Cause i'm all alone with no one to share the story with. The feeling was not nice at all. I dun think i will ever watch movie alone again...

Feeling very regret

2008-07-18T08:22:00.002+08:00

This have been a long time since i touch back this blog. I never tot that i will be touching this blog ever again since have friendster. But well, it seem i did it today. I really regret on my past right now cause i made my love one left me. It were all my fault where i betray her love towards me by fall to other girl. But in the end, before i really work up with that girl. I realize that she is not the one for me and my babe, Ting Ting is. I realize that i love her very much. But all because of I handle it wrongly where we break up during our most important final exam. I made her grade drop 1 level which makes her hate me more. She and her family were those education type. They look education as a very important aspect. And because of all this, even though i realize that the one i truly love is her, it's all too late... She dun love me anymore. She told me she totally dun love me anymore... It hurts me like hell, I would like to directly suicide that day.

Now it's been 2 month after we break... and I have suffer from major depression disorder now. Loving someone that doesn't love you back at all it very suffering. Whenever u think she is close with another guy, u feel jealous and will be sad and depress. Because of thinking about such things, I've been crying like hell constantly. I knew a guy shouldn't cry but i cant stop it from flowing out of my eyes. I really love her... One of my friend said, "is not worth it even though you love her back and u suffering like this. If she love you, she won't made me suffer like this." Ya I know that well, I'm suffering because she dun love me anymore. Ya, i may seem stupid fro some of you there reading my blog because i'm loving a girl that does not love me anymore and fall for other guys. But the choice is mine and who i love is my choice. Even though i know i have no hope, won't be happy and will be suffering for sure. I still choose to love her because i know, she really is, my true love. I will continue to love her till my last breath in this cruel world which eventually taught her to be cruel to me. I'm not blaming others here. I'm only blaming myself on this because it ended up like this all because of me who handle it wrongly, who betray her love. I'm a jerk, a scum, a low life being. From time to time... i would really want to go far away from this place and finish up my life because it is really very suffering. But, I still have my mom who i need to take care of and I also dun want her to be sad for me and felt guilty for it even though is not her fault because to suicide or not is my choice. I may seem very stupid in love. Yes i truly were stupid cause i let it ended up like this. Every day and night, I've been missing her... looking back at our pictures together, i cried... looking back at the things that she bought for me and made for me, I cried because it helds no meaning anymore... looking back at her belonging that still at my place brings back memories of us being together, felt happy for a second but then when focus back on present, she had already part away from me... felt damn sad... depressing and regret on what I did were all I did...

Ended up now, I'm having Major Depressive Disorder plus with a high fever where i did not plan to eat any medicine... Let's see when will i be hospitalize or i can still go on like usual. Alot of strange pain occurred inside my body frequently now. My injured place, my stomach, my head, and especially, my heart and my chest. It is all Hurt like hell. Is not that i dun take care of my health, I've already done what i can. It still end up this way, I can't control it. As I'm doing muti (eat only plain water and plain rice), I'm not allow to take medicine. So let's see how many days more till I collapse. Thats all for now folks... See whether I still have chance to touch this blog ever again or not...

On the 8th of February 2008

2008-02-09T01:19:00.000+08:00

Today as usual, wake up then go eat breakfast with family but its was a bit hard for me to wake up due to the alcohol effect i drank last night. Anyway, i manage to get up and ate with them. I went for a day out after that with a friend and i enjoy the time very well since its not always got the opportunity to meet up. When reach home, having an opening CNY meal where my mom called it that way with family. My buddy came to pai nian after the meal i had and then we had a mahjong game. Win abit ^^. Then went to my granny place to continue play some gambling till ended up i lose some cash -_- . Then now here i am typing this blog to jot down what happened today in my life. I will try to find times to write blog everyday from now on. So do try to read and give some comment if can ^^.

On the 7th of February 2008

2008-02-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

Today was a very happy day where i spent my day Happily. I enjoyed the moment we have together during the afternoon and evening. We went for a movie, eat out and a walk. Though its just a normal dating day out but i do really enjoyed it very much. I know that time cant go backward but if can, i hope it will.
Currently i'm at my friend house pai nian while gambling. It's 0120 now and they are still gambling outside while i'm here inside typing this blog coz i just afraid i forget do this entry of blog which means a special day in my life. I've been drinking and i think today i manage break my level where i drank more than i can normally. Maybe its becoz i was very happy and currently is CNY. Anyway, i just hope happiness can reach me and all my other friends ^^

Happy Happy Happy ^^

It just make me angry

2007-07-24T20:43:00.000+08:00

Whenever i talk about something positive or something good happened to me to my gf. I wonder why SHE WILL 100% talk about negative thing back to me and something bad. For example, i said i manage to save up some money. She will eventually said, che, later will be gone as u will buy this and that. Her behavior just make me piss off. Everythings that goes on happy at the start will eventually become bad as she will make it worse!~!~
I really hate that behavior or her. I dunno how many times it is already that she repeated to talk negatively to me. Evrything that i did will eventually become bad in her eye. I HATE THAT!~!~

Reflecting the day...

2007-07-19T14:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday at work, i made some mistake where there was miscommunication happened between me and my colleague. End up did the wrong thing. Felt guilty with it...
This morning when reach work, i repeated the same mistake which make me felt more guilty. I even ask my boss whether there is a way to feel better from the feeling of guiltiness. Anyway, after lunch, my mood became better but there is still some moment i will felt guilty.

After work today (still working), i will go out with my gf to watch vacancy. Though much people already said is bad and no good. I end up bought the ticket. Anyway, i hope tonight will have a good time together with her. Hope no argument will occur today. Thats all for now, will continue blogging when i feel to do so >_<

Sunday day out with gf on 15th July 2007

2007-07-16T14:09:00.000+08:00

Well, yesterday i went to watch Harry Potter with my gf as schedule since we only have sunday to spend together this week as i need to work on saturday till evening. We start off our day with a breakfast of curry mee. Its been a long time i didn't went to that uncle curry mee stall to eat out already. Its taste really nice and nostalgic. :)

After that, we have some dessert at the stall nearby where we eat custard egg (tan tan) and suddenly the sky started to cry and alot of tears drop to the ground. We end up open up our emergency umbrella and went to Pudu Plaza since she wanted to cut her hair and do treatment.
While she was in the salon, I went off to do my errand whereby i need to help my dad to go to photoshop and print out the picture for his friends. The price is cheaper than i expected. Is a good sign. But unfortunately, when i step out of Pudu Plaza, the rain became worst. Although the rain is heavy, i still went back to my father home and gave him the photo then i went back to my own home to take some medicine for precaution as my whole lower part of my body is already wet.

After taking the medicine, i change the emergency foldable umbrella to a normal one and head out to Pudu Plaza and fetch my gf. I met back with my old friend where we used to play games together in a cyber cafe name StormNet. He was working at the salon my gf in. We have some chat till my gf finish with her hair and we went off to Times Square after that.
When reached, she urge me to bring her to FOS and she bought 1 shirt for herself. Even it is 1 shirt, she spent around 30 minutes to choose it. Girls... :)

After that, we went up to 5th floor and have our nachos opposite of McD. We spend our time nicely for snack and went up to 10th floor to watch Harry Potter at IMAX 2d. This is the second time we watch IMAX 2d movie together. The 1st time we watch it together was the Transformer my gf end up fall asleep on certain part. She said that she was tired that day and the screen too big till its tiring her eyes. What a joke. And now for the second time, just to prove whether what the reason last time true anot, we have enough rest and its not tired at all but she end up falling asleep again for certain part. This time her reason was Harry Potter movie got some part very bored... >_< I'm hoping forward to watch the 3rd time with her and see what her reason again when she fall asleep again and again ^^

After the movie, we walked around to shop for her shoes since the one she currently wearing bring bad luck. She fall down once and hurt her leg badly after 1 and a half hour wearing it. Unfortunately, we couldn't find any and at the end we went into Cold Storage and buy a Wooden Comb. We head back home after that.

The day was a nice one since i can spent my time with my lovely gf. That is it for yesterday, now i'm currently working but my boss and supervisor not around ^^. Thats why i have such free time to write my blog. Anyway, i gotto go back to work now. Thats all for now folks, till the next time...

Feeling Left Out

2007-07-13T12:13:00.000+08:00

Well this bog was created in order for me to release and share my feeling of unhappiness as well as happiness to those that visit. Bear in mind that most of the blog will be I releasing anger and sadness.

Yesterday was a day with frustated plan, original plan was to drop by at my house to have dinner together but instead of that, she went to genting with her housemate to celebrate birthday. Its good that she was enjoying herself and i feel happy for her too but she practically left me out alone where we have a deal before hand.

I feel unhappy for that for a moment but when i think rationally, its her life, her choice to do what she wanted. I have no right to govern her. Although we has make a pact, it is still her choice to follow or not.